Pirates in Space
by kakawuh
Summary: Follow the Straw Hats as they get kidnapped and forced to save the universe onboard the SSV Normandy. Focus on humor, action and new friendships, as Shepard gets slowly driven insane by the rambunctious pirate crew. Shepard pairing is still in the air. M for language and Violence.
1. Kidnapped

**Kidnapped**

**Due to some disappointment that there is only one story featuring this cross over, I decided to write one myself. From a one piece perspective this will take place during the voyage from Thriller Bark to Sabaody Archipelago and from a Mass Effect perspective will take place shortly into game 2.**

**I will try to keep things humorous as this is sort of a Shepard torture fic, as he will be portrayed as a straight laced military minded, paragon, hero type, with no time for nonsense. So, no hot irons or whips, just Shepard slowly being driven insane. **

**The Straw Hats will keep all of their powers, weapons and quirks (in fact I choose to set it pre-time skip because we don't yet know the full extent of their new powers), so they will keep being impossible in every single way. **

**I will keep certain words and phrases in line with what most manga scanlators do simply because it sounds weird to my ears when people make Sanji use the words "miss" instead of –chwan or –swan, and the word nakama simply doesn't translate properly into English. However ordinary small talk will be in English.**

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><p>It all started as such a nice day. It wasn't more than a day ago that they left Thriller Bark in high spirits with their newest nakama, and now they were on their way to Fishman Island. The Thousand Sunny carved through the water at great speed, as the Straw Hat crew littered themselves around the deck in various states of resting and relaxation. Nami was currently trouncing Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Franky and Brook in a game of black jack, with herself as the dealer. She was cheating of course, but only enough to keep a profit. If she went too far, they would stop playing and she'd lose more profit than she was willing too. Let them think they could win and thus come back for more.<p>

Zoro on the other hand – not trusting the damn sea-witch not to cheat – had instead challenged Robin to a game of chess. He was starting to think it wasn't his smartest idea. Sure it had all gone well and good in the beginning, but now she was playing him like a fiddle. The amused smile on her face, as she cupped her chin in her hand waiting for him to make his play, wasn't helping either.

And that's when things got weird, even by their standards…

In a flash of purple light a woman suddenly appeared right on top of the chess game, spreading the pieces all over the grass below them and effectively ending the game in a draw. Huh, leaving things to luck still worked out for him it seemed.

The flash of light got everybody's attention at the black jack table; it even caused Sanji to come out of the kitchen before he had finished making drinks for his female companions.

The woman looked down at the table she was standing on, before looking at the two people whose game she had just interrupted. "Oh my, I am terribly sorry. It seems my aim was a little off. Been far too long since I traveled this way," as an apology it was rather lacking, in fact she didn't even sound sorry at all.

The crew just stared at the old lady. She looked to be in her mid 60ies though keeping herself rather well. She was slightly wrinkled sure, and her hair was grey and cropped very short, but the years had been kind to her. The black and white dress she wore was oddly cut however. It didn't resemble any sort of fashion anyone had seen on any of the islands they had visited.

Ignoring the stupor of the people around her, she reached a hand out towards Zoro and talked as if speaking to a child, "Be a dear and help me done from here, will you my boy." Zoro just kept staring, seeming to be as frozen in surprise as everyone else onboard.

That is of course until Sanji jumped from the floor above them and kicked the marimo in the side of the head to get him out of the way. He immediately placed his hand under hers while bowing respectfully to her. "I give you my deepest apologies for that uncouth marimo. Allow me to assist you off of this table ma dame."

The lady gave a little laugh, "My, such manners. So rare in this age," She stepped down onto the chair the swordsman had just been kicked from, and onto the grass flooring. Before Sanji could utter another word to her however, he had to duck under a sword aimed for his neck from aforementioned, very pissed off swordsman.

Before the two got too far into their usual squabble, the navigator put an effective end to it, by hammering a fist into each of their heads. "SHUT UP!" she yelled at them, before rounding on the elderly intruder, "And who the hell are you!?"

The woman raised a single eyebrow and shifted her eyes to the angry red head before answering, "Now, now little miss, there is no need to be rude. I shall explain in due time once everyone settles down a little."

The ships resident archeologist decided to help things along as it didn't look like Nami was calming down any further. "I believe this is about as calm as you will get everyone."

The lady sighed deeply, but nodded her head. "Yes I suppose you're right. Very well, I've been… black mailed, I suppose is the best way to call it, into finding a group of people to help save the universe I've taken residence in. That group is you, for reasons you'll find out eventually. Now with that out of the way, we should get going to the meeting spot I believe."

There was a near unanimous outcry of, "THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!?" Before the navigator barreled on, on her own, "What the hell do you mean 'Help save the universe'!" she did air-quotes and everything.

The long nosed sniper chimed in, in agreement, "Yeah, that doesn't even sound remotely believable," waving the whole thing off with a hand in front of his face.

The old lady sighed in exasperation, rubbing at her temples, "Very well, I'll go into further detail if that'll get this over with quicker. My name is Lenore Alexis, and I am originally from this world, time-period and universe. As a young woman I ate the wormhole-fruit, allowing me to travel anywhere in both time and space. I decided to abandon this **barbaric** time period of pirates in search of something more interesting. I found that in a different universe, where I decided to settle down with my bondmate and our two daughters, on a small colony world. That peaceful life is now threatened as something or someone has started targeting human colony world. To make matters worse some paramilitary big-shot somehow found out about my devil-fruit ability and has since asked me to help find remarkable people from my old world – **this** world – to help combat this threat against humanity. That is where you nine come in."

The members of the Straw Hat crew looked more than a little skeptical, and again it was the ever outspoken navigator that spoke, "Okay, let's say we believe all of that, as impossible as it all sounds… Why us, and why should we even agree to do this in the first place?"

Lenore simply smirked, "Why **you**, is rather simple, I originally went a few years into your future the first trip back, and by coincidence happened upon your crew, which showed me it had to be you, but you'll figure that bit out on your own. No spoilers after all. As for why you should do this – my dear girl, who ever said I was going to give you a choice?" With that statement, the old woman snapped her fingers as a massive portal of purple light descended over the ship, and rapidly engulfed the entire thing, all the way down to the sea level. Once the lightshow was over, the proud vessel The Thousand Sunny was completely void of human (and reindeer) life.

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><p>Commander John Shepard was a rather large man, standing good 185 cm, and weighing in at around 88 kg, he made an impressive figure. With his cropped hair and well pressed officer's uniform, it wasn't hard for even for strangers to recognize him as a career military man.<p>

He had just exited the elevator on his way to the ships cockpit, having just come from a talk with his newest recruit Jack, a convict he had just rescued/broken out of a high security prison/slave trade station. It was complicated… Either way, what she mentioned about his current 'employers' was only re-affirming that he was making a deal with the devil here. However if what The Illusive Man had to say about The Council and The Alliance was true, then this deal with Cerberus was the only way to save Earth's colonies. Then of course there was the whole thing about his resurrection, which he didn't really like thinking about much.

For now though, he needed an ETA on their arrival to the Faia system, as they had just left the Ismar Frontier's Relay system; Aquila. Honestly, he was coming up to get it personally mainly to see a face of one of the three people on the ship he knew he could trust completely.

The rest of the crew probably wasn't so bad, hell he'd say he liked more than a few of them, but complete trust so far was reserved for Garrus, Chakwas and Joker. It was good being able to see one of them when doubts started nagging in the back of his head.

Joker must have seen him coming, as the moment he stepped on the bridge, Joker turned his chair and said, "Hey Commander, glad you're back, but keep an eye on that last one. We can only hold so much crazy."

Shepard gave a chuckle before changing the subject, "What is our ETA for Zorya, Joker?"

"Expect 3 hours till we're in orbit Commander. You know as long as we don't get attack or some other crazy thing happens," was the helmsman's joking reply.

"Heh… Yeah I'd like to avoid being spaced again if at all possible," he really, REALLY, would prefer not getting spaced again, EVER, if he had to be honest.

Shepard had planned to leave and see how the rest of his team was holding up, but before he could tell Joker to keep up the good work, he was interrupted by the ship's AI, "Shepard, 9 unauthorized life forms, have just been detected on in the cargo hold."

Shepard's face and voice hardened in an instant as he turned towards the orb that represented the disembodied voice, "Inform the team get armed and meet me in the elevator. Do you have any readings on what's attacking us?" It was never a great idea to step out of a confined space with a Krogan right outside the door.

"Yes Shepard, 8 humans and a reindeer," came the response from the serene voice.

Getting the information, he hurried towards the elevator. It wasn't till he was halfway down the bridge the last bit of information truly hit him and his face contorted into confusion. The intruders had brought a reindeer? Why? How? That made no sense what so ever. It would have to wait thought, Jacob and Mordin was already at the elevator, holding a shotgun and a pistol respectively. Jacob was even nice enough to grab him his assault rifle.

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><p>Two floors down and five more people picked up, the elevator was more than a little cramped. It didn't help Garrus and Grunt were as big as they were, nor did it that Jack actively growled at Miranda and Mordin that were pressed up against either side of her. Still he needed to relay the information he had before they got out.<p>

"Okay listen up people, we've got 8 human intruders and a reindeer. The moment the doors open up I want your guns on them, but do NOT open fire. I want to know how they got onboard and what they want here, got it?" Getting a positive reply from all of them, though some were more reluctant and lax that he would have preferred, he continued: "Zaeed I want you to keep an eye on the reindeer, would hate for it to bump into something and cause a panic." That part was harder to say with a straight face.

"Why the fuck do they even have a reindeer with them in the first place, it make no goddamn sense." Came the gravely reply from the old mercenary.

"I have no idea, but it makes me think they might not be here to attack us. Still, I'm not taking chances and going in there unarmed. Now get ready!" Was the last thing Shepard said before the door opened.

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><p>Every Straw Hat was on the floor when the lights went back to normal. Whatever the hell had just happened to them was in no way a pleasant experience. The only person still standing was their kidnapper Lenore looking thoroughly unamused at their groaning on the floor. "Oh will you all stop being so dramatic, it is not that bad."<p>

The crew slowly got to their feet, each of them holding either their churning stomachs or pounding heads. Traveling through whatever the hell that lady made sucked. Before they could lash out at her with angry remarks, a hissing sound was heard from the side, right before the thudding sounds of boots on metal floors and guns being cocked.

The Straw Hats reacted on instinct alone. Luffy, having landed the closest to the sounds, turned towards the new people entering the large room they were in. A second later he was flanked by Zoro on his right, Sandai already in his right hand and Shusui just starting to peak out of its sheath. Sanji fell in on Luffy's left and in front of Lenore, eyes on his hands that were working on lighting a cigarette. Franky followed up behind Sanji, cracking the knuckles of his left hand in his right. Behind his large mass Usopp and Chopper had sought refuge, though Chopper yet again had only the side of his head hiding behind the cyborg. Robin still standing in her spot slightly behind the gap between Luffy and Zoro, simply turned her head towards the commotion, a calculating look going over the 8 new threats to the crew, while her hands slowly inched upwards to a ready position, Nami inched closer to her, slipping her Clima-Tact out from its holster under her skirt. It was however the movement of the 266 cm tall skeleton that moved to Sanji's left side while drawing his sword from his cane, which seemed to draw all the attention. Every single one of the intruders stood in varying degrees of stupefied shock.

It was Lenore that seemed to bring them out of it however, as she asked: "Which one of you is Commander Shepard?"

The crop haired man with the slight clip in his hairline was the one to respond, "That's me. Who are you and what are you doing on my ship?"

Before she was able to answer the question, Luffy interrupted her by waving hand high in the air while shouting, "UH! UH! I KNOW! I KNOW!" At Shepard's nod towards him, the pirate captain continued, "My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and we were kidnaped by her!"

He had finished with the largest grin Shepard had ever seen a hostage have on his face, while pointing out said kidnapper. Come to think of it, it might have been the biggest grin he had ever seen anyone have on their face in general. Didn't help him much though in finding out who they were or why they were on his ship in the first place. The redhead seemed to agree with him though as she hammered her pole over his head while screaming at him.

"That doesn't explain anything you moron!"

"But Naaaaamiiiii, it's true!" the newly introduced Monkey whined at the girl Shepard accurately guessed was Nami, while running his hand over his head to alleviate the pain.

"That doesn't matter!" She screamed at him, "They still have guns, and I for want do NOT WANT TO GET SHOT AT TODAY!"

The green haired guy with the swords gave an unimpressed snort, before voicing his opinion: "What, are you scared of a few guns just because they look a little weird? It's not like we can't take them."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" This Nami girl seemed to be getting angrier by the second, and Shepard figured it was better to head this off before shots got fired over a misunderstanding.

"Tell you all what, if you lower your weapons we'll lower ours. That way no one gets hurt and you can explain what you're doing here on my ship. Does that sound like a fair deal?" As he asked he motioned his crew to lower their weapons with his hand as a gesture of good faith.

The intruders seemed to slowly do the same, before everybody had their weapons tucked away completely. The moment everyone was done, Lenore stepped forwards and in front of Shepard, "I better explain before anything else goes wrong. I believe you are acquainted with The Illusive Man, correct?" At Shepard's nod, she continued. "Very well, I was asked to gather you some remarkable fighters for your fight against this threat to our colony worlds, and now I have. Anything further he asked that he be allowed to explain himself."

Shepard turned his head towards Miranda, "Any of these people fit the description of someone from our profiles?"

"No, we should head up to the debriefing room and ask what this is about. Most of the dossiers where put together months in advance, Garrus' was the only one that was less than a week old before the start of the mission," was her intrigued response.

"Right, we'll have to do a few trips to get everybody up properly though. Grunt and I will take up 4 of them up first. Miranda, you, Jacob and Mordin take 3 on the 2nd trip. Garrus, Jack and Zaeed will bring the rest got it?" he spoke the plan lowly between his crew, and got a nod from them all. As he stepped towards the intruders, Garrus and Miranda followed behind him.

"Okay everyone, my name is Commander Shepard as you may have heard. I suggest we take the elevator and have a little conference with The Illusive Man who seems to have wanted you all here and clear it up. The Elevator is a bit small though, so we'll go in groups, Miranda and Garrus here will show you the way to our debriefing room," Shepard did his best to sound friendly and get everything to fall into place without any unnecessary bloodshed, and it sort of worked.

The Blonde of the group spun his way over in front of Miranda, grabbed her hand delicately before pressing it softly to his lips, and a torrent of pleasantries exited his lips. "Ah, mellorine! Such great fortune I have to be allowed to feast my eyes on such a rare, delicate beauty. I will happily let you guide me wherever you wish!"

All he got was a raised eyebrow and a "Charmed, I'm sure," and with that the trip up to the CIC deck began.


	2. TIM is a dick to pirates

**TIM is a dick to pirates**

**Disclaimer: Forgot this last time, but I own none of the stuff I'm writing about here.**

**AN: I'll admit, this is kind of exiting, to have people voluntarily read something I wrote. Last I ever wrote something fictional was nearly a decade ago in a school essay and that was beyond terrible. I hope I can deliver something you will all find enjoyable. **

**On a secondary note, FUCK ME do I hate writing introductions, trying to get this many people to have enough 'screen time' is hard since the tempo of these two series are so vastly different. Mass Effect tends to focus on only 2 to 3 people talking together at once, while One Piece can have conversations between multiple people in the same panel due to how you get a good visual que, and finding the right balance point in disposition heavy dialog is hard. Thankfully this is really the only chapter where that's required in group form. So from here on I can get to the parts of the story that'll be fun to write.**

**At last, again many thanks to everyone whom decided to read, review, follow and favorite my story, I am honored you took the time to bother.**

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><p>The group containing Shepard, Grunt, Monkey (a name Shepard still found odd), Nami, the green haired guy and the elderly lady did a short stop at the engineering deck to drop off Grunt. The lack of combat seemed to bore him so Shepard let him off and led the group through the CIC and into the debriefing room by himself. He really wasn't quite sure what to think of the entire affair.<p>

A group of people had just magically showed up out of nowhere and to make matters more confusing said group contained a short bipedal reindeer and an honest to god walking, moving skeleton. Nothing in his time at the alliance had accurately prepared him for this. He went through Mordin's lab, as bringing a group of still possible hostiles into the armory would be… well, stupid. Especially the way Monkey oohed and tried to touch anything that caught his sight.

It was only due to this Nami girl's tight grip on the boy's vest that he didn't start picking things up. The punches and the yelling might have been a part of it too. After Shepard finally got them into the room and away from most things breakable they just had a short few minutes wait before the second and third group showed up. Jack and Zaeed seemed to have gone back to their quarters as well, much like he expected. They weren't exactly social people and they were generally a bit too much on the apathetic side of things for Shepard's liking. Then again, they were new to his command and he had yet built up trust with them, or anyone else on the crew really.

"EDI, establish contact with The Illusive Man," Miranda spoke to the AI. The newcomers looked curiously at her, before their attention rapidly shifted to the table that sunk into the floor. Shepard saw the long nosed guy, the reindeer and Nami subtly shift into the middle of their group, while the rest closed ranks as the light dimmed to nearly pitch black. At the sight of the vertical light going over them from feet too head he noticed a few of them stiffen up as if preparing for battle. It would seem the elderly woman had picked up a group of soldiers or at least fighters.

The hologram of his new 'employer' flickered into existence and Shepard left his small study of the newcomers to get some answers. "Illusive Man, I thought you said I was in control of who got requited for this team, so what's the meaning of these guys?" His voice was hard and to the point as he spoke, both of them were too smart to pretend with false politeness.

The Illusive Man was sitting in his chair with a cigarette and a class of bourbon in either hand, just like last he spoke with him. He took a long and frustratingly slow inhale and let the smoke fill the air in front of him before he spoke. "Things change Shepard, you're a soldier, and you know how it goes," He did know, didn't mean he like it when it happened though.

His employer continued, "But what you want to know is why I'm forcing these people in particular on you, unlike the rest I've left up to your judgment. It simple really, Lenore here has some remarkable powers according to our information, powers that allows her to travel to anywhere, at any time and in any universe. I take it you're all familiar with the multiverse theory?"

Mordin was the one to step in, "Theory that implies infinite amounts of universes exists in parallel. Can have small changes, one where humanity saved the council, one where didn't. Can also be large scale, one were gravity exists, one where it doesn't. Studies for validation so far inconclusive. Saying she knows for certain?" He rambled on in a hurry while turning to study the elderly human before taking in a loud sniff of air through his nose, and releasing it in one word. "Fascinating!"

The man with the glowing blue eyes nodded. "Exactly Doctor. From what she has told me, in her universe there exists fruits that changes the body of the eater in magical ways and granting them immense powers. Powers like turning ones entire body into gold, the ability to great massive earthquakes or changing into animals of various sorts," He turned his focus to Shepard again as he continued, "Think of the possibilities Shepard! With powers like these in our hands, our chance of success increases immensely. That is why I asked her to get you these people."

Shepard spared a glance around; their visitors' expressions fell mainly into two categories from the scared look on the long nosed boy to the quite frighteningly angry look on the green haired young man. The only outlier was the straw hat wearing youth, whom had his hat down covering his eyes, making an expression impossible to read. All in all, he knew they didn't want to be there, and Shepard didn't like to force people against their will.

"Is that why you decided to kidnap them and for them here against their will?" He asked the projection in front of him.

The Illusive Man inhaled from his cigarette again. "We've been over this Shepard, you may question my methods, but don't question my motives. This fight against the collectors is too big for me to leave it to chance, and if a resource this big becomes available to me then I will not hesitate to use it. No matter the cost."

Before Shepard could reply to that, he heard the sound of a sword being draw. Before anyone could make a move the young swordsman was in front The Illusive Man, sword held vertically before his neck. The swordsman's eyes were narrowed in focus as he spoke, "You sure you're willing to pay **any** cost to keep us here?"

The Illusive Man to his credit only flinched back slightly. Holograms didn't stop the body's natural defence from reacting to threats after all, but after another slow inhale he was as cool and composed as ever. "What is your name, swordsman?"

"Roronoa Zoro."

"And your universe follows the outdated Asian custom of family names first if I'm correct. In that case Mr. Roronoa, yes in fact I am," As he said the last sentence he stood up, the sword moving straight into his body.

Zoro's eyes widened before they re-narrowed and he changed his hold on the sword, pushing it all the way into the body before him. When not a single drop of blood spilled he stated in shock "A Logia?"

"No Mr. Roronoa, this is a hologram. Simply put one of many scientific advances our universe has over yours. You can compare it to those snail phones of yours I've heard about." He turned his attention towards the rest of the crew as well as he kept going, "Now to make myself perfectly clear, none of you can leave without Mrs. Alexis' help, so either help us defeat the collectors or get stranded here. The choice is yours."

Zoro swung his head over towards Lenore but before he could take any sort of action, she snapped her fingers, and in a flash of bright purple light, she disappeared and reappeared by The Illusive Man's side. "I promise you, so long as you help save our galaxy I will bring you back to your ship no less than a minute after we left it. Besides I know you'll be quite content with this little – adventure…" She spoke to the crew before turning to her blackmailer. "Now I've upheld my end of the bargain, I trust you to uphold yours and only contact me again when they've completed their job."

The Illusive Man shifted his eyes towards her, "Yes you'll be in the wind. You have my word."

With that Lenore snapped her fingers again, another flash of light and she was gone.

The Illusive man scanned his new employees with a calm eye before asking, "So have you reached your decision yet?"

Monkey – or maybe it was Luffy based on what The Illusive Man said about Asian cultured name placement – looked up with a unhappy look on his face and simply said, "I don't like you," as he stubbornly crossed his arms.

"As much as I agree with that sentiment Luffy-san, I don't believe we have any other choice if we want to return home to accomplish our goals. It would seem cooperation is in our best interest," The levelheaded response came from the dark haired woman off to the side of the room.

Luffy, as Shepard was now sure the name was, frowned harder, before agreeing. "Fine, but I don't like this… It's like grandpa all over again, telling me what to do." He finished off with a large pout on his lips.

"A wise decision, I'll leave Shepard and Miranda to handle any questions you might have. I have high hopes towards all of you." And with that the transmission turned off and light flooded the room once again.

Luffy's mood seemed to take a 180 the moment the lights were back on, and with a large grin on his face, and his hands thrown up into the air, he exclaimed, "Well, first things first! SANJI! I'M HUNGRY! FOOD!"

As one the group sighed, before the blonde man spoke in a resigned tone, "Yeah, yeah, I should have guessed." He took two steps towards the door before stopping and then turned to Shepard. "Oi, where's the kitchen on this ship?"

Shepard blinked before answering, "It's down one floor, but there's no need for you to cook, Mess Sergeant Gardner will take care of it after he's done cleaning the bathrooms Mr. uh." Shepard let his hand run in a circle to try and coax out a name and it seemed to work, sort off.

The blonde look at him as if he was stupid, before taking his cigarette out of his mouth. "Name is Sanji, and none of that Mr. shit, and your cook is also cleaning toilets?" he let his sentence drift off in disbelief.

Shepard cleared his throat, "I believe his words were that everyone does what they can for the fight, but yes, he's our resident Jack-of-all-trades."

Sanji's lifted his only visible curly eyebrow, unimpressed by the explanation. "Uh-huh. Well he's off kitchen duty. I'm taking it over."

Shepard turned it over in his head quickly. The general opinion on the ship was that Gardner's food wasn't the best, even when considered the rations weren't more than standard issue. Perhaps a different – and hopefully better – cook could give a bit of a moral boost. Would also be a decent way to extend an olive branch towards his new, unwilling crewmembers. "Alright then Sanji, the kitchen is yours. Miranda will show you down."

Seemed the last comment earned him a lot of good will from the cook at least as he happily spun over to Miranda's side. Shepard pointedly ignored the dark look she shot his way as the two left, Sanji singing her praise as they walked.

Figuring introductions were in order to get everything onto better terms, he turned to the rest. "So this is a slightly more awkward way to meet new crew than I'm used to. I'm Shepard and commander of this ship, the SSV Normandy. The men behind me are operative Jacob Taylor, in charge of the ships armory, something we'll go over later I think. This is Doctor Mordin Solus, our resident scientist working on counter measures and whatever else might benefit us during our mission." At the crews stupefied looks, he figured they had taken the same approach towards the none-human crewmembers as he had to the walking skeleton, so decided to elaborate. "He is a Salarian, one of the many different races that exist in the universe. Besides him is the Garrus Vakarian, a former Turian C-Sec officer and an old friend of mine, he's in charge of the ships forward battery. Any questions?"

Luffy's hand shot right into the air and while looking straight at Garrus and Mordin with an innocent yet curious face asked them both "Do you poop?"

As Garrus and Shepard's jaws dropped in confusion, and the Salarian looked as if he planned to elaborate the redhead bashed Luffy in the back of the head and shouted at him, "HOW IS THAT IMPORTANT!?"

"Umm… how about all of you introduce yourself and we take the questions as they come instead? Sound fair?" The Commander suggested, while Luffy pouted at his crewmate.

Luffy was quick to speak up, "But you already know who I am," Big smile plastered on his face to replace the pout.

"Well yes, I know your name, but I don't know what any of you do after all. My guess is you're a marine crew or in some other branch of the army back home?"

Luffy – and the rest of his crew – scrunched their faces up in varying degrees of distaste. "No way! I'm a pirate captain!" The way to large grin returned to his face again, and Shepard felt his stomach plummet. He certainly got to work with a lot of people he never thought he would before. Terrorists, convicts, mercs and now pirates.

"Anyway," the pirate captain barged on, "This Zoro, he's my swordsman! And this is Nami, my navigator. Usopp is my sniper," As he listed his people off, he pointed them out. Nami gave a winning smile and Usopp puffed out his chest and struck a pose. The little reindeer sought refuge behind Usopp's leg though it was terribly inefficient. "That's Chopper our doctor, and Robin our archeologist, and Franky is our shipwright and Brook is our musician!" As Luffy got to him, Franky placed his mighty arms on his hips and cocked a smirk, while Brook gave a polite bow.

"Okay I have a couple of question." Shepard amended after the introduction was finished. "I can only guess Chopper is the reindeer EDI told me about, how can reindeer be a doctor?"

The little reindeer seemed to gather up some courage as he poked out from cover and spoke up for himself, making Shepard's eyes pop wide open in surprise. "Because Doctor Kureha trained me!"

"Wait… wha'… how can you speak!?" He stumbled over his words to get them.

"Oh! I ate a devil fruit, the Human-Human Fruit!"

"Fascinating!" Came the reply form the ship's resident scientist. "Guessing this isn't the look of normal reindeer, so fruit must alter body state dramatically based on fruit eaten. Would love to run some test if possible! Anyone else on your crew have them? Skeleton seems highly probable, considering undead status."

"Yohohoho, you are correct Solus-san. I ate the Revive-Revive Fruit, giving me another chance at life when I died." The tall skeleton responded jovially.

"Incredible. No muscular system, yet can move. No respiratory system nor vocal cords, yet can talk. No circulatory system yet ALIVE! Completely goes against everything conventional biology teaches, yet still here! Intriguing… Would love to get hands on one of these fruits. Amazing what we could learn from them!" The doctor became more and more animated as he rambled on in his excitement, before finally calming a little at the end. Still his eyes shone with an almost childlike glee at this stunning discovery.

"Ooh, I ate one to!" With that Luffy hooked a finger around his left cheek and pulled it out to a full arm's length, before letting it snap back together, grinning all the while, "I'm a rubber man!"

The Salarian's grin was starting to rival Luffy's, and his hands were twitching to start examining, but before he could he felt a tap on his left shoulder. As he turned his head towards Garrus he saw a distinctly human arm growing out of the Turian's armored shoulder. His jaw dropped before he turned back to the group, trying to find out who could do this feat. Robin gave him a little wave and an amused smile.

"The Flower-Flower Fruit, I can bloom body parts on almost any surface," she told him before he could ask.

Something inside the scientist seemed to break. "Fruits turning animal into humans, conquers death, turns body into rubber and makes body parts bloom on others… Need to go back to lab. Run test. Yes, lots and lots of test." And with that he slowly walked out of the debriefing room, leaving Shepard, Garrus and Jacob with the new group.

Shepard cleared his throat. That had certainly been a well of information, and it explained the skeleton and reindeer, which he'd been at an impasse as to how to ask about without being offensive. Now only one thing was left, to figure out to fill his curiosity. "One last question, before I let you all go. What does a pirate crew need an archeologist for?" A rude question he knew, but it was bugging him. He'd had one on his crew as well, sure, but that had been on a military vessel after all.

The captain gave him an odd look. He tilted his head to the side and scrunched his eyebrows together as if he didn't understand why Shepard had asked so dumb a question. "Because she's Robin," yep the strawhat found him stupid, going by the tone of voice at least.

Shepard waited a few seconds, he honestly expected the red head to beat him over the head again for not explaining properly, but she seemed in agreement. Hell they all seemed to agree that it was a perfectly logic statement. "That's not really an explanation…" Shepard slowly got out.

"Sure it is, Robin is an archeologist, so we need an archeologist!" The kid was back to being all smiles again. Shepard let it go; this seemed like something that would give him a headache if he asked more.

"Alright then, in any case… Kidnapping and blackmail aside, I would like to welcome you all onboard the SSV Normandy SR-2, how about we head down to your friend in the kitchen. You'll need to head by the infirmary for the necessary vaccinations anyways." The commanders tone came out resigned as he started to lead towards the door.

Zoro sighed resigned as well, the palm of his hand pressed to his forehead and his eyes closed, "Before any of that I need a damn drink. Where's the bar on this ship?" He asked.

Shepard looked back over his shoulder, "We don't have one, this may not technically be a military vessel but I still run it as one." It may have been a little hypocritical considering he bought Dr. Chakwas a bottle of Brandy, but still. He trusted her, the pirates where an unknown factor and he'd rather not have drunken and potentially rowdy people starting fights.

The swordsman released an annoyed growl as they all walked towards the elevator, only Jacob leaving the group to return to work.

Again they had to split into two groups before the went down, Shepard knew Garrus would run the collector info over with the people he showed around so Shepard explain what little they knew as well on the way down. The pirates seemed mainly confused or uninterested, but he supposed that was to be expected since everything would be so foreign to them. He'd just have to hope they caught up on this version of reality fast enough, people fought better when they did it of their own volition instead of by force.

He'd been on the last leg of his explanations, looking back at the pirates over his shoulders when he was suddenly interrupted.

"OI COMMANDER SHITHEAD!" Shepard's head whirled towards the angry shout and it was only by the skin of his teeth that he managed to fling himself backwards to avoid a heel kick to his nose. The cook that had just left them before was looking pissed beyond belief.

"The hell have you been forcing the beautiful girls on this crew to eat!? I mean what the hell is this shit!?" The cook was fuming as he stomped over to the kitchen table and begun throwing bags around. "'Freeze dried **crap** in a bag! Canned **shit **with blubber! And what the HELL is **Dextro based **rations!?"

Garrus raised his hand, "Um, those would be mine, Turians, and Quarians, have to eat dextro based food. Eating the food from levo-amino-acid species either passes right through us or can give severe allergic reactions."

"Great, so now I have to make special meals for the bony bird guy as well." The cook chewed aggressively on his cigarette before talking a calming in- and exhale. "I need better rations, I'm a first rate chef and I refuse to serve this shrivel to the gorgeous women of this ship, am I making myself clear?" He took his smoke from his lips and pointed it, as well as a threatening glare at the commander still sitting on the floor.

Shepard blinked a couple of times to get most of his shock away before he nodded dumbly. "I already approved getting better rations for the crew as soon as we reach the citadel."

Sanji snorted a "Good!" before stomping back behind the kitchen counter. "Let's see if I can't make something half edible out of this crap."

Shepard sighed before getting up from the floor and pointed to the infirmary. "Alright, the rest of you head into Dr. Chakwas office over there and get your vaccinations. We should be getting to…"

He was interrupted by Joker over the com-system before he could finish, "We should be in orbit of Zorya in about an hour commander."

"Thank you Joker." Shepard looked at the large group of pirates. Well, time to see what these pirates could really do. "Okay people, after you're done at the good doctor's, meet me up at the ship's armory. Kelly should be at her station right as you exit the elevator, you can ask her for directions." With that he went back to the elevator to help Jacob prepare equipment for his newest crewmembers.

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><p><strong>Secondary AN: Finally done with this chapter, now I can start breaking people up into smaller groups which should help give the characters the screen time they deserve. We also get to start writing action which should be fun.<strong>

**Bonus points if you can guess which YouTube channel the chapter title is a reference to.**


	3. It was the worst day ever

**It was the worst day ever**

**AN: So to start off, last chapter's bonus points goes to Mercwiththemouth, the chapter title was based on one of the regular jokes from the youtube channel CinemaSins. I'm absolutely horrible at naming things, be that OC characters or titles for chapters or stories (which explains the unoriginal title of this fic in general).**

**Mercwiththemouth and a guest reviewer both pointed out an oversight in the last chapter about how easily I made Luffy and co. agree to TIMs terms. I majorly blame how boring that entire conversation was to write, but yes I should have fleshed it out a little more. I might go back at some point and add a little too it, and make it more believable but for now I'll try and get some more chapters up instead. Still, thanks a lot for pointing it out guys; I appreciate it more than you know.**

**And a general shout out of thanks to reviewers, readers and so on in general. I'm hope you've enjoyed it so far.**

**This chapter is the first that shows why I liked the idea of a Mass Effect/One Piece cross over. While the first game went with a very western styled interconnected story line, where characters got fleshed out slowly but steadily, Mass Effect 2 actually run a lot like One Piece when it comes to storytelling. One over arcing story (The adventure to find One Piece) that's split into a lot of smaller story arcs that allows for character introductions and to flesh out their personalities, each of which has a general over arcing theme.**

**For example: Zaeed's story about his betrayal at the hands of Vido Santiago does bring up a lot of parallels in my mind to Captain Kuro of the black cat pirates. I'll keep trying to point out the similarities I see as we go along if nothing else than because it shows that I've actually put a lot of thought into this story from start to finish, and I also get to seem smart and introspective and shit. So yay for being a show off!**

**This is also the chapter where people might start jumping ship. After all this is set in the Mass Effect Universe where killing is a necessity, it has some problems getting paired properly with general shounen manga where killing is a lot more rare for main characters. If the fact that I making the straw hats kill people is a deal breaker then consider yourself warned. However there is logic behind the madness, if you are interested in them, check my profile page and I will go into further detail.**

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><p>Shepard rested his head in his hands, trying to get his headache to subside. Currently he sat in the Kodiak shuttle along with Garrus, Zaeed, Luffy and Zoro as they traveled planet side to Zorya. While he supposed the straw hat wearing boy's enthusiasm for space should have been endearing, as he 'Ooohed' and 'Aaahed' over the sights from the window, the process of equipping all of the pirates had been lesson in patience he didn't want to go through again anytime soon.<p>

It wasn't like all of them were against wearing the shielding arrays and Omni tools. Nami, Usopp, Luffy and Franky had been outright ecstatic, though for different reasons. Keeping the big blue haired man from trying to pick it apart had been much more challenging, and they had been forced to promise him a spare once they would be able to restock. Robin, Chopper and Brook had accepted theirs with a minimum of fuss, except perhaps that one joke about the skeletons own death that Shepard wasn't sure was in bad taste or not…

No the problem was in the green haired man. He had adamantly proclaimed he was fine without it and would not back down from this standpoint. The discussion had gone on for nearly ten minutes before a furious navigator had stomped over and bashed him in the back of the head, effectively sending him crashing to the floor and ending the argument.

If that had been all of it Shepard would have been happy. It had been rather quickly decided that Luffy and Zoro would join him on the mission. Shepard wanted to see what made these people so powerful that The Illusive Man would force them on him. Luffy seemed so damn exited to see another planet that it was easier to bring him right away, and the swordsman apparently wanted to burn off some aggression and volunteered to go along too. That led to argument number two.

Apparently guns were flimsy, according to one stubbornly annoying swordsman. The captain had just looked oddly at the shotgun he'd been handed before throwing it dismissively over his shoulder. No amount of explaining that they would need ranged weapons to fight off the people that had taken the refinery hostage helped his case, and it didn't take more than a few minutes before it just started to go in circles. Up till that point Shepard's opinion of the flame haired navigator was that he liked her. She seemed very reasonable and he really hoped she'd help him again. That opinion changed somewhat drastically when it was him that got floored by a punch to the head while she screamed at him to 'Stop causing a god damn fuss!' Naturally the two pirates didn't bring weapons after that.

So here he sat, nursing what he suspected to be a minor concussion from the deceptively strong girl, while going into battle with half of his team being either unarmed or outgunned. Shepard firmly believed that this day just could just not get any worse.

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><p>Getting on the ground helped immensely. The fresh air seemed to take the edge of his headache. It was either that or the small amount of adrenalin that started pumping through his veins the moment his assault rifle was in his hands.<p>

Their trek through the forest led them past a small group of skittish pyjacks which Luffy almost immediately started chasing after into the jungle. It was only by the swordsman's reflexes and knowledge of his captain that he managed to grab him by the scruff of his neck holding his head in place, as his neck stretched and his body kept running for another few seconds before it snapped back. It was more than a little disturbing, in Shepard's opinion, to see the rubber powers at work like that.

Still they continued on, Zaeed hacking into the Blue Suns mercs communication letting him know that they'd been spotted and were taking up positions. Great, nothing better than prepared mercs…

Rounding a bend in the jungle put the pipe lines of the refinery in vision, along with a dozen or so mercs. Shepard, Garrus and Zaeed dived for cover just in time to see both the captain and the swordsman charge towards the enemy, and it was only by luck they managed to grab ahold of them and pull them into cover.

"The hell are you doing!" Zoro screamed at Shepard, who hadn't let go of his grip on the swordsman's short sleeved jacket.

"WHAT AM I DOING!? What are you doing charging into gunfire like that! Are you suicidal or something!?" Shepard snapped right back.

"No! I'm wearing your god damn shield aren't I!? So let go and so we can get this shit over with!"

"The shield is can't take infinite amount of fire! It'll break under continued punishment damn it! I explained that on the ship, didn't you pay attention!?" Shepard could feel blood rushing to his head as his temper snapped for the first time since his death.

"Of course I did! So we just have to finish it fast, right?" The swordsman shouted right back, though he sounded more annoyed than angry.

"GAR! Look up there," Shepard pointed to the raise bridge up above the pipe lines. "That guy has a rocket launcher! One hit from that and your shields are down and every merc out there has a free shot at you! You'll be dead in an instant!"

Zoro just scoffed at him and yanked hard enough on his jacket for it to slip from Shepard's grip. He turned to his captain and said, "Luffy, you got the asshole up there?"

With a smile so big Shepard was sure it didn't belong on a battlefield, the boy simple replied "Sure!" before drawing his arm back, as if he planned to punch him from their current position, ignoring that the merc was roughly 25 meters and 2 stories away from him.

And then Shepard's world came crashing down around him. With a shout of "**Gum-Gum Pistol,**" the merc was knocked right over the damn railing, landing on his head.

The same moment the swordsman broke cover, a sword in either hand and charged into the fray, cutting down everyone in his way. His actions forced Zaeed and Garrus to break cover as well, as they started opening fire with their assault rifles. The sound of gunfire was what broke Shepard from his stupor and he was up firing rounds as well.

His plan of having Luffy and Zoro handle anyone that might get into close quarters with them was thrown out the damn window by their borderline suicidal behavior, but all things considered the skirmish ended faster than his own safer, plan would have allowed them to.

Hell even the mercs' backup didn't stand a chance in front of the reckless pirates. Only the FENRIS mech came close as Luffy went from smiling wrecking ball to overly impressed child in the span of half a second. Luckily Garrus had switched to his Sniper Rifle and put the mech down before it got to the boy and hit him with its overload function.

Ridiculously enough, the captain turned around and pouted at turian. "Aww! Why did you shot it? It was sooo cool!"

"I ehm… Well it was still an enemy you know… The overload function disables shields hand hits you with a pretty nasty electro shook." Garrus looked a little unsure of himself. It was the first time he had to explain why he saved someone from an obvious threat after all.

"It does?" Luffy looked like he was even more impressed with the damn thing now than he was a second ago. "Can we get one too? PLEASE!? It'll be a great addition to my crew!"

Before anyone could reply, the swordsman reacted, "STOP TRYING TO INVITE WEIRD THINGS ONTO THE CREW!"

Zaeed took the lead past the dead mercs that littered the ground, "We can discuss getting fucking mechs latter, Vido is still in there so let's get a fucking move on shall we!?"

Their small group followed the pipe lines running over head and got to a retractable bridge. Shepard headed to the controls and started the extension process. That's the moment they heard the radio pip up again, the same harsh voice they'd heard upon arrival. "This is commander Santiago. If any of you retreat while the intruders are still alive, I'll kill you myself. Now, get the hell back out there!" One could tell from his voice that it wasn't a treat, but a promise.

Zaeed spoke up "Vido. Sounds like he hasn't changed."

"I feel like you have a past with this Vido." Shepard replied to him, trying to get a better read on the mercenary on his team. With Zaeed's penances for story telling it shouldn't be too hard.

"I knew he was a sadistic bastard back when we started the Blue Suns. The Suns only got meaner after he staged his little coup 20 years ago. So, yeah. We have a past."

Zaeed didn't disappoint. Still that was a shocker. "Why didn't anyone tell me you founded the Blue Suns?"

"Because it's not common knowledge. Vido wiped me out of the records. He ran the books, I led the men. Worked real well for a while. Then Vido started hiring batarians. Cheaper labor, he said. Goddamn terrorists, I said." Zaeed started sounding a bit agitated, still the commander decided to push a bit further.

"Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge."

Zaeed exploded in anger. "A GRUDGE!? Vido turned my men against me! Paid six of them to restrain me while he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger! For twenty years I've seen that bastard every time I close my eyes. Every time I sighted down on a target. Every time I heard a gunshot. Don't you call that a goddamn 'grudge'!" He had lost a bit of the fire midway through his rant, but the rage was reignited by the end of it.

Before Shepard could continue his line of questioning though, the pirate captain broke in. "But weren't you nakama?" His head was tilted down, shielding his face, and casting his eyes in shadows. It was the second time Shepard saw him do this, and he didn't like it. It seemed foreboding.

Zaeed turned towards him, "What? Nakama, the hell does that mean?"

Zoro was the one to explain, "Nakama; crewmates, friends, family. Pick whichever."

"Well, yeah. We were partners if that's what you're trying to get at. That doesn't change a damn thing though." Zaeed stated defensively.

"Yes it does." Luffy proclaimed as he raised his head up to look Zaeed in the eyes, a small scowl on his face. "It means I want to kick his ass. I hate people who just throw their nakama's lives away like they're meaningless. That's not how it's supposed to be!"

A small smirk crawled onto Zaeed's lips, "Well then I'm glad we agree boyo. Let's get moving Shepard."

Shepard nodded and hit the button for the last extension to expand. It seemed like it wouldn't be too hard to get the pirate crew to bond with the people from his own universe. That was a relief at least. Perhaps today wouldn't be completely horrible after all.

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><p>Shepard took it back. Today was the worst day EVER! That included the day he was killed by being blown up and subsequently spaced. The moment Zaeed had seen Vido he had started a chain reaction in the refinery, setting of explosions and fires everywhere. All because he was afraid finding a secondary point of entry would give Vido the time to escape.<p>

It was like the universe itself actively went out of its god damn way to make everything harder on him. Fuck his life!

To make everything worse, Luffy was grinning so damn broadly you'd think Christmas and his birthday had come at once.

Shepard was brought out of his angry inner monologue by the screams of help from high above him. One of the workers screamed down at them. "We can't get to the gas valves to shut them off! The whole place is gonna to blow!"

Zaeed barked his order, "No time. Vido's probably halfway to the shuttle docks by now."

"You're willing to watch these people die?" Shepard exclaimed horrified.

"Damn right I am. We stop to help these people, and Vido gets away. And if he gets away, I'm blaming you." came the cold reply from the mercenary.

Shepard felt his hands curl into fists, his temper rising over the whole miserable situation of suicidal pirates and one psychotic mercenary hell bent revenge. Thank god Garrus headed off the dangerous path the conversation was heading towards.

"How about we split up then? Zaeed can take pirates while Shepard and I help these people. We clear both objectives, and everybody leaves happy." Shepard honestly felt like he could kiss his old friend.

"Right. That sound good enough for everyone?" Shepard readily agreed.

The two pirates nodded their acceptance, Luffy still smiling brightly and Zoro completely stone faced.

"Fine, come along then you two. Let's go settle an old score." With that, the three of them headed into the compound and as the door shut itself close, Shepard and Garrus vaulted the railing and headed down the stairs in the opposite direction.

At the end of the stair they headed inside the refinery as well. The air was thick with smoke, and they had to stick close to the floor to avoid filling their lungs with CO2. They could feel the heat from the think smoke beaming over their heads as they slowly made their way to a few still working computer platforms, from where they could start redirecting the fuel away from the already burning fires and reduce the chance of explosions around themselves, Zaeed's team and the people they were trying to save.

And so they fought one of nature's most fearsome adversaries, as they slowly continued further up into the compound. They came by a small group of trapped workers who gave them the directions for the extinguishing system. The system – which should have been automated – seemed to have been damaged during one of the explosions.

Getting up to the gangplank overhead Shepard and Garrus could see their destination not far ahead of them and decided to speed up. Halfway through however an explosion above them caused a large burning piece of piping to fall down.

All Shepard managed to register was Garrus shouting "WATCH OUT!" Before her was grabbed from behind and pulled to safety.

Shepard stared wide eyed at what could easily have been his second death. "Thanks, Garrus." Not the most eloquent of replies, but words failed him at that moment.

"Yeah well, that's why you came and got me on Omega wasn't it? To drag your ass out of the fire, literally." The humor in voice was clear as day, as Garrus climbed to his feet and extended a hand to his friend.

Shepard couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him as he accepted the help to get up. "I guess it was my friend. How did I ever manage without you?" He jested back.

"I'm pretty sure the Alliance and the universe as a whole has been asking itself that question since we first teamed up."

Shepard grinned. It was good to see his old friend was still in there under the anger and self-loathing that had showed up since his death. Now if only he could bring him completely out of that state of mind and bring back his self-esteem and it would be like the whole thing had never happened. Give or take that one terrorist organization that was currently employing them of course.

"Anyway, we should keep moving. Those people aren't going to save themselves you know." Garrus pointed out and shook Shepard from his inner musings.

"Right, let's go," he agreed, moving up around a viewing platform, before getting into the room. Quick as they could, they got the fire extinguishing system operational and headed further into the refinery to try and catch up with the other group.

Below the railing they could see and hear the relieved workers they had just saved, who shouted their thanks, before running for safety. Shepard smiled at that. This was the reason he joined the military to in the first place. To serve, protect and save people whom couldn't do it themselves. It felt damn good doing it too.

Heading to the end of the hall, they scaled another railing and used the stacked crates below to safely jump down a floor. According to the maps Shepard had seen of the place prior to the mission, they should be on the same path Zaeed and the pirates had been on, on their way to the shuttle bay. Both of them tightened their grip on their weapons, Garrus with his trusted sniper rifle and Shepard on his assault rifle. They rounded the corner that would put them on the right path…

And then they stopped dead in their tracks.

Shepard looked in confusion at the picture in front of him, and honestly couldn't make head of tail off what had happened here.

The left hand wall had two large slices running diagonally with each other, roughly a meter and a half off of the ground, a dead turian sliced to pieces on the ground below it. And at the end of the hall another turian lay right below what could best be described as a crater in the wall. As Shepard and Garrus moved closer to the latter corpse they could see the distinct impression of a human fist indented deep into the helmet, causing cracks to run along the entire thing, small trails of blue blood seeping from some of them. The back of the helmet – made to facilitate the crest of turian horns – was completely caved in, most likely from being used to make a 10 cm deep indent on the wall.

Shepard looked from the crater to the slices into the metal wall behind him on his left side. How the hell did they manage that? Rubber powers and swords aside, this was not possible. Swords can't cut into solid steel walls, and you sure as hell didn't make large scale craters into them with your fists.

"Did what I think happen, actually happen here?" Garrus asked with mild trepidation in his voice.

"No!" Shepard replied. Best to get moving and start actively repressing what they had seen here. Physics demanded that they do so.

"Riiiiiiight…" Garrus ground out, sounding a lot less convinced than Shepard liked. None the less they hit the keypad on the door and moved on.

It didn't help either of their dwindling belief in physics…

The large storage area had been turned into a slaughter house at best. Corpses were haphazardly flung around the area, some with indents from fists and feet, others ripped up from what could only have been swords and others again from bullet wounds. The place was a small size massacre.

As they moved through the hall the saw a couple of still burning containers that looked like they'd been a part of explosions. As they crossed the bridge at the end of the hall a large VMIR mech was crushed into the wall, a nice sandal imprint pressed deep into the metal at the mech chest.

"Uh, Shepard…" Was as far as Garrus got before Shepard interrupted him.

"Yes Garrus, I see it too. Still working on believing it." His voice was tight with frustration, whether from the impossibilities that had happened here in general or from the implications it raised neither of them was really sure. "Let's just catch up with them."

They passed through the cargo holds back door to a rather peculiar scene.

Zoro was standing with his side to them, dark green bandana tied around his head, right arm resting on two sheathed swords on his hip, the third, black blade in his left hand, resting on his shoulder.

Luffy stood with his back to them, seemingly focused on what was happening a few paces before him.

And there was Zaeed, walking slowly up to someone Shepard could only guess was Vido. The man was on the ground in a large puddle of fuel, looking pleadingly up at Zaeed. "Zaeed I'm gonna die here man, do something!"

Zaeed raised his gun and popped the heat sink out, "Fry you son of a bitch," was all he said, before tossing it into the puddle. The fuel went up in a blaze. As Santiago screamed to the heavens Zaeed turned and walked back towards them all with the most self-satisfied smirk Shepard had seen anyone wear in a long time.

As the old merc passed between the two pirates they turned and followed, both looking extraordinarily grim.

Shepard sighed, before raising a hand to his right ear, activating the communication link. "Ground team to Normandy, we need a pick up one click north of our current position, over."

A few seconds later Jokers voice called in over the radio, "Normandy to ground team, Kodiak is launching now, ETA to extraction site fifteen minutes, over."

"Understood, over and out." With that Shepard turned his attention to his – for lack of better word – team. "Let's get out of here. And Zaeed…"

Zaeed turned his head to show Shepard had his attention.

"The two of us are talking after lunch." His face broke no grounds for argument. Despite the success, Shepard was more than a little displeased with how the mission had turned out. After Zaeed grunted in affirmative, Shepard led the way north, hoping to find a wall they could scale, as the refinery was no long safe enough to travel though.

Worst. Day. EVER!

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><p><strong>AN: A little disappointing I know, but there is a reason why I kept Luffy and Zoro out of the action this one time. There is meaning to it all, though I suspect a lot of people want to see the SHC wreaking havoc more than anything else, and I promise it'll come. <strong>

**Next chapter we'll have some fun with the crew interacting with one another. Besides character development is always great. **


	4. What's this? What's this? Part 1

**What's this? What's this? Part 1 **

**AN: So funny thing is. When I started writing this chapter, I honestly thought it was going to a little on the short side of what I've written so far. Like maybe 2.5-3k words. Around 9k words later, I realized just how wrong I was. Thus I decided to split it into two chapters.**

**You still get both at once though, because fuck it, I've already written it.**

**Writing Chopper is a pain in the ass! I'm by habit, used to adding emoticons whenever I type as cutely as he talks, and it's really fucking hard to break that habit… **

**On the other hand writing Franky is hilarious. I've never been much of a writer one way or the other. In fact I'm only started writing this story because it's been stuck inside my head for like a year and won't leave me alone. So in truth, I've never considered writing as anything I could ever really get into or get a lot of enjoyment out off. I'm not a very creative or imaginative person by nature, at least not the way fiction writers need to be. So the surprise I got from how much fun I had writing Franky is honestly kind of eye opening. Makes it a little easier to understand why people want to do this for a living. Not sure if anyone case about my little epiphany, but there it was either way.**

**Anyway, again thanks for reading, reviewing and so on. It's nice to know people like the stuff my brain tends to fill my waking hours with.**

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><p>After sending Luffy and Zoro off with their new – well the straw hats were at a bit of a loss as for what to really call the Normandy crew so far – they split up to have a look at their new surroundings.<p>

There wasn't much reason to worry, after all it was Luffy and Zoro that went onto the planet, and it was hard imagining them lose to anyone, new universe or not. So the overall mood of the pirates was pretty easy going, blackmail and kidnapping aside.

For now the ship, with all its technological advances was to temping not to explore.

So that is why Nami – after finishing seeing her nakama off on their little adventure or mission or whatever these new people wanted to call it – walked through the CIC. She moved her way towards the bridge, her profession as a cartographer was making her curiosity burn. After all it wasn't like it was hard to figure out from her discussion with this Illusive Man and the general setting of the ship that this was way into their future.

Or their _possible_ future?

It was complicated…

Stepping onto the bridge her greeting to whoever was in the chair died on her lips, as she looked out the windows in front of her. "Wow…" She breathed out, amazed at the sight of the black void filled with thousands of stars, and the planet filling up most of the starboard side window.

The man in the chair swung around, and looked up at her with a smirk, "Yeah, the view isn't too bad, is it?" He asked rhetorically, "First time in space I take it?"

Nami just nodded dumbly, eyes still drawn to the sight in front of her.

As the silence slowly over took them, Joker started to feel uncomfortable. He wasn't much of a people person and he usually handled socializing through snark and sarcasm. The pirate's awe filled wonder at the view in front of her, was not really his thing. "You know, you'd get a much better view from one of the observation rooms down on the deck below…" He casually suggested.

That seemed to snap the girl out of it. "Oh, right! Sorry it kinda caught me off guard." Sticking her hand out, she introduced herself with a smile, "Name is Nami."

"Joker." The man replied as he shook her hand.

"So you're the helmsman on this ship?"

A proud smirk settled on his face, "Best in the Alliance Navy. Or I used to be before I quit. Damn bureaucrats trying to take my damn wings." He scoffed as he ended his sentence.

Nami let the last bit slide for later; she had questions that were burning to be answered. "Sooo, you don't mind if I ask you some questions do you?" She purred out. Since she didn't know the guy – or anyone from this new crew – she decided to add a little flirtation in her voice to try and win him over.

Joker cleared his throat and cast her a sidelong glance, "Um, sure I guess… What do you wanna know?"

Nami broke out in a bright smile, flirtation leaving her voice completely, "Excellent! So first off, who does the navigation on this ship?"

Well now, this he could talk about. "Well no one really. Shepard punches in our destination on the galaxy map back in the CIC; the computer then calculates the quickest route there and sends it to me."

"The com-what?" Nami blinked at him after hearing the explanation. It made no sense to her what so ever.

"The computer. What you don't have those?" As she shook her head in the negative, Joker sighed. This would take longer than he expected. "Right so uh… You got an omni-tool from Jacob right?" As she nodded, he continued, "Okay good, well they are one example of a computer. Damn it this is hard to explain, umm… Think of them like a really fast extra brain or something like that. Basically you can use for everything from looking stuff up to um… You know what, I'll just show you! Here, hold on a sec."

Joker's hands raced over the holographic keys before him, calling up a screen with a planet on it. Pushing it towards her with a swipe of his hand he said, "There, a model of Earth!"

Nami looked at the little model, multiple large continents scattered around it, "I think you called up a wrong planet, because that's not earth." She deadpanned out.

Joker raised an eyebrow at her, before sarcastically responding, "What you don't have maps where you come from? Of course that's Earth. You'd think you know what your home planet looks like."

Nami's temper snapped, "I'll have you know, I plan to be the **first** to make a complete world map! But we still know the general idea of what the world looks like, and this is **not** it! There are **WAY** too many continents, and where is the Red Line, huh? Answer me that smart guy!?"

"The what? Also you don't even have a map of the world yet?" Joker asked perplexed.

Nami snapped at him further. "**NO!** And the Red Line, idiot! You know, the only continent on earth, the one separating North- and West Blue from East- and South Blue!" When Joker looked even more lost than before Nami started to calm down a little "You know, four of the five world oceans?"

The glowing ball Nami hadn't paid much attention too suddenly lit up and spoke, "There are no records of any oceans on this universe's version of planet Earth having even been called such, Miss Nami. Perhaps the geography of your own is different from ours." It suggested.

Nami jumped and gave out a screamed "AAAH! DID THAT BALL JUST TALK!?"

"I am not a ball. I am an artificial intelligence – more commonly referred to as an AI. This avatar – among others spread throughput the ship – is simply a representation of me that allows people whom prefer talking to a physical platform a better psychological work environment. However I am readily available anywhere on the ship. If you have need of me all you need do is ask."

Joker snapped at the AI, "No need to butt into people's conversations EDI, you're scaring the new crewmembers! Freaky AIs…" he muttered under his breath.

"It was not my intent to cause distress Mister Moreau. I apologize Miss Nami if I frightened you."

Nami held her hand over her heart, trying to calm the rapid beating from her jump scare. "No, it's fine. So you're like the soul of the ship right? Its Klabautermann!"

Turning away from the two, Joker muttered under his breath, "I still say ship cancer is better description…"

EDI continued as if she didn't care, "I assure you I am in no way a beneficiary mythological creature from the North- and Baltic Sea, and I am far too bound by Cerberus protocols to adequately fill your prior description."

"Yeah, yeah, boo-ho, the AI can't take over the ship and kill us all. That's enough of that!" Joker drawled out sarcastically, hitting the mute button as he did. Turning to Nami, his mood obviously worse after the AIs interruption, he asked, "Is that all or was there anything else you wanted to ask about?"

"No, no that'll be fine for now. I think I'll head down and see how Sanji is coming along with lunch. Talk to you later." Nami gave him fake smile and held up her hands in front of her. She didn't really get why this guy was angry at the ship's Klabautermann. After all meeting Going Merry's it had been a very emotional event. Still, Luffy and Usopp ought to be ecstatic about it. Franky might be too now that she thought about it.

As Joker raised his hand in a halfhearted farewell, Nami turned around and headed towards the elevator. A wave of giddiness hit her though when she realized she had just seen a perfect world map. It might not be her own world, but it showed her dream was far from impossible!

* * *

><p>Chopper was one of the first people out of the armory. First of all he thought it was awesome to get one of those cool, orange glowing omni-tools, so there was no fuss getting him to wear it. Secondly, he really wanted to get back down into the infirmary!<p>

There were so many new things down there that he didn't know what was or what did, and if that was just the instruments then medicine in general must have gotten really far! Dr. Chakwas also seemed really nice, so he was excited to see if she would teach him about the advances this universe had.

Running through the CIC and to the elevator, he had to jump to hit the call button. The lady near the big map thing had her hands folded together under her chin and looking at him kind of like how Sanji looked at Nami and Robin, so he hurried inside and hid behind the door, keeping a close eye on her. It only made it worse it seemed.

Right before the door closed, the little reindeer heard a yell, "Oi! Chopper-bro, hold on!" and not a moment before the door closed, the crews cyborg managed to squeeze his bulky body inside.

"Whew!" He said, "Just made it! So little man, what are you up too?" looking down at the small doctor.

"I wanted to go back and explore the infirmary a little more! There are so many new things there I don't know about!" he said excitedly, bouncing on his hooves. "What about you Franky?"

Franky gave him a grinning smirk, "Well that Jacob guy said Shepard had been asking for upgrades for the ship, so I figured I'd have a look around, see if there's anything I can do to help out."

Chopper's jaw dropped in amazement, "You really think you can make a **spaceship** better!"

The large blue haired man shot him a thumbs up, "Of course I can, I'm particularly **SUPER** this week!" He would have done his signature pose, but the elevator was a little too small for that, which bummed the big man out a little.

The little reindeer had stars in his eyes, pure admiration colored his face as he looked up at his nakama, "That's soooo cool Franky! We'll have the most awesome ship EVER!"

As the door opened for them on the crew deck Franky finally stepped out and shot his stance while shouting his proclamation, "I swear, in the name of all the perverts of universe, that I'll make this the most SUPER ship ever! **AUW!**"

A couple of people in the hall turned and stared at the large man in the speedo, but neither of them really knew how to respond to that, so instead they slowly backed back into the sleeping chambers.

With those words, Franky and Chopper split up, the cyborg heading off to the right to inspect the port side of the ship, while Chopper headed left towards the medical bay.

The door opened automatically for Chopper and he slowly trotted inside. The elderly resident doctor turned towards him and gave him a smile. "Hello doctor Chopper, is everything alright?"

Giving her a large smile Chopper nodded, "Yes everything is fine, I was just hoping you'd show me what all of these things do. I mean I can't really help out here if I don't even know what something like that is." He said, pointing towards one of the large robots in the corner.

Chakwas gave him a smile, "Well that is surgery bot. Regular surgery fell out of favor around a 150 years ago, as robotic surgery became more precise than humans surgeons. We only really do those manually in the field when medi-gel isn't enough. This is probably where we should start you off. I have a feeling Shepard would like you to take the spot as field medic when you're with him."

Chopper blinked up at her, "What's that? Medi-gel, not field medic I mean."

The elderly doctor got up from her chair and walked to the wall dispenser to grab a pack, before going back to her spot at her desk. She held out the pack of gel to the little reindeer and let him look it over. "Medical gel is a multipurpose medicinal salve, with anesthetic and clotting agents. It grips tightly to the skin to close off against infection, allowing wounded soldier to keep fighting, until they can be extracted and brought in for proper treatment." She explained.

Chopper frowned, "How do you get it off then to give treatment? I don't know all of these ingredients, but I doubt it can all be healthy if just left inside the body."

Smiling at how fast he'd sought out and deciphered the ingredient list, Chakwas explained further, "Most of the ingredients are not native to Earth so it's not odd that you don't know them. As for removing it, you use a specific setting on the surgical robots ultrasound setting. I'm impressed how fast you catch on young man."

"SHUT UP! HEAR THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY ONE BIT, YOU OLD HAG!" Chakwas jump in shook as the polite and friendly little reindeer boy suddenly yelled at her while dancing a happy little dance that in no way fit the harsh words he told her. Her jaw just worked itself up and down, while she tried to find something she could reply to that.

Eventually she managed to shake herself back into functioning order. She frown at the boy, her mouth setting itself in a straight line as she began waggling her at him in admonish, "Now you listen to me young man. That is no way…" She was interrupted by the door opening up, a blonde streak shooting in through the door, and before Chakwas knew what was happening, she saw the cook punt the little reindeer across the room.

"What the hell do you think you're calling such a pretty old lady!?" Turning on his heel and falling to his knees before the female doctor, he gushed out, "My humblest apologies Chakwas-sensei, for Chopper's rude words. The witch that raised him apparently didn't teach him how to take a compliment from someone as amazing as yourself! I beg of your forgiveness, and offer my meager skills to create you a most delicious treat, filled with all the admiration I have towards you, to show how much I regret not warning you about his terrible habits!"

Half way through the rant, the little reindeer lunched himself from where he'd landed against the wall and attached himself viciously to Sanji's head via his teeth. Banging his tiny front hooves up and down on over his head he screamed around his hair: "SANJI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!? KILL ME!?"

Sanji got to his feet and grabbed the furry doctor by the scruff of his neck and pulled him out at arm's reach. Staring down his nose at the little guy, as he swung out in blind anger, the cock coldly replied, "If it'll teach some damn manners, sure. I'll cook you right up."

Chakwas was so shocked she honestly didn't know where to start. However she has been on a lot of military ships in her life, and she knew a growing confrontation when she saw one. Deciding the best course of action would be to simply dismiss the cook, she went with that. "That's quite alright thank you! Your name was Sanji, correct?" As he nodded – Chopper still swinging from his hand all the while – she continued. "There's no need to go out of your way, but thank you for pointing that out. You can go back your duties."

Then, doing another complete 180, Sanji dropped his fellow pirate like a sack old potatoes, and smiled happily at the elderly doctor, before spun around himself on his way out of the med bay, "Ah, Chakwas-sensei is so forgiving! I shall do my very best to make the meal extra delicious as a thank you." The door closed after he left, but the good doctor saw him spin all the way to the kitchen counter, much to the amazement of people taking at a break at the nearby table.

Turning her gaze back at Chopper, he seemed to have moved over towards some of the medicine cabinets and started reading over the boxes still frowning and breathing hard from his snout. Deciding against trying to figure out what the hell had just happened in her infirmary; Chakwas grabbed a bottle of painkillers to snuff her beginning headache by the roots, before letting the entire matter drop. A change of topic seemed like a good idea and it might also ensure that the furry doctor didn't try and pick a fight later on as well. With that logic in mind she asked him, "So Doctor Chopper, what made you decide to become a doctor, if I may ask?"

The furry doctor turned his head towards her, frown quickly sliding off his face. "Hm? Oh, because Doctor Hiluluk took me in. He was the greatest doctor in the world and he dreamed about creating medicine that would cure all illnesses but he died from decease before he could finish his work. Then Doctor Kureha took me in and taught me everything she knew so I can make Hiluluk and my dream come true!" he told her excitedly.

Chakwas couldn't help the smile she got from hearing the wish. Sure it was big, childish and wholly impossible, but it suited him in a strange way. She didn't have the heart to pop his little bubble; she knew time and experience would do that the harsh way sooner or later. It did raise another question though, "How old are you Chopper?" She asked, dropping the title as this wasn't really a discussion between colleagues anymore.

"I'm 15, why?"

Chakwas eyes widened, "Only 15!?" She exclaimed. "And already you are a fully trained Doctor? My, that is remarkable. You are quite the impressive little young man, aren't you?" she smiled down at the boy. She was kind of proud for him in a strange way, even if she didn't know him. Something about the childlike innocence she guessed.

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT HAPPY TO HEAR THAT, YOU BITCH!" Chopper was back to dancing and yelling profanity in happiness.

Chakwas sighed.

* * *

><p>After leaving the armory, Robin had taken to walking a large circle around the CIC. She discreetly looked over the shoulders of the men and women working at their stations, at large orange glowing desks. Reaching the end of her circling she came to the conclusion that she didn't like how this universe made her feel.<p>

Back home she was always well informed about everything. Here, all her knowledge was next to useless and that bothered her. After all her intellect was the primary reason she had survived the 20 years before meeting her beloved nakama.

Thus the situation had to be rectified, and the easiest way to do that was one she always loved, reading! With a plan in mind, Robin walked towards the short haired woman Shepard had called Kelly. He'd said she would be happy to help them with anything they were looking for so she should be perfect.

"Excuse me Yeoman-san, could I speak to you for a moment?"

Kelly turned around and gave her a bright smile, "Of course you can, what can I do for you. And please, call me Kelly."

Robin's smiled back at her, "Perhaps when all of this isn't so new I will. In any case, I was hoping you could point me towards a library or something similar on this ship?"

The yeoman's smile faltered slightly before it came back full force, "Ah yes of course, looking for anything in particular to read?"

"Well I was hoping to look into some of the history of your universe, the curiosity of an archeologist in any new area I suppose." Robin replied easily.

Kelly nodded her head in understanding, "I see, you don't like being in the dark when it comes to knowing of the world around you, am I right? You do strike me as a very intellectual woman after all."

Robin felt the hair at the back of her neck rise. While the yeoman was right, she didn't like how easily her discomfort was being seen through. This Kelly was starting to unnerve her more than the crew's general situation. Still she gave the other woman the fake smile she had perfected over the years and responded easily, "Yes, you could put it like that. Now as for rectifying it?"

Kelly gave a small look, before the request fully hit her, and she gave a little jump before she sprung to Robin's side, a small piece of orange glowing glass in her hand, "Ah yes of course. Well you see books in hardcopy version have pretty much fallen out of style. They simply take up too much space, and it is much easier to simply get them in e-book variety, so you'll need this data-pad and an account for an extranet book provider. Since you don't have any legal ID or bank account I'll let you use my personal one instead. I can always get Cerberus to reimburse me later." While she talked, Kelly showed the taller woman how to work the data-pad and her favorite e-book store.

10 minutes later, newly acquired skills in the use of data-pad and the extranet – novice like as they may be – Robin found herself in the kitchen with a cup of coffee – courtesy of Sanji – and aforementioned data-pad in hand, reading about the first contact war. The thing about history is when you need information fast, you always start at the ending and work yourself towards the beginning.

Her opinion of the yeoman was also slightly better; it was quite nice of her to let Robin borrow her personal account after all. None the less she would keep an eye – and an ear – on her for a while just to be sure. Her experience told her, that one could never be too careful in new environment. There was only two types of people that sought out information the way Kelly had after all, people that wanted to get to know you, and people that sought information to find out your weaknesses, and Kelly had prodded too deep for Robin to be convinced it was the first, at least until she had more proof.

Still it was nice to get something to read again, and the data-pad was very handy for going over information. In a sense it was like reading a stone slab like back at a ruin. She might be able to get used to this, or at least comfortable.

* * *

><p>Franky was feeling exited!<p>

No, he was feeling ecstatic!

No, no, no, he was feeling **SUPER**!

This ship was amazing. He was honestly beyond words, and no, he wasn't crying at all over this marvel of engineering, even though it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

He hadn't even left the crew deck yet in his exploration of the ship. One saved the best for last after all, and Franky honestly couldn't wait to see the engine on this baby. These people were from the future after all, so they had to have improved his cola driven engine design by leaps and bounds, right? And if they had, he could bring them home and use them to improve both his own body AND his beautiful Sunny!

Being kidnapped was **SUPER**!

Oh and he really needed to get ahold of Zoro to show off the brilliant idea he had given him. He should be up any minute now, which was why the large man hung out around the elevator door.

The moment it opened, and after allowing on hungry captain to fly out of it and bounce off of the opposite wall, Franky grabbed the swordsman by the arm and dragged him towards the portside observation room.

"Oi Franky, the hell are you doing!?" the swordsman protested on the way there, and the moment they were inside, he wrenched his arm from the shipwright's grasp.

"Auw! Yo Zoro-bro, remember what you asked the Shepard guy before you all went out? Never mind if you don't, the SUPER me this week remembers it perfectly, and then I happened on this room! It'll be perfect for it, don't you think?" The big blue haired man rambled off in his excitement.

"What are you talking about?" The young green haired man on the other hand had trouble keeping up with it.

Franky spread his arms out towards the room, as if presenting it, "The bar you mentioned of course. This room should be perfect, right?"

A small smirking grin started to spread its way over the swordsman's lips at the idea, until he remembered something important that made it fall right off, "Great idea, except Shepard doesn't want people drinking on his ship. Navy rules and all that crap."

A conspiratorial smile came to the large man's face, "Ah, but don't worry, I've already thought of that! I talked to Jacob shortly and it seems Shepard wants this ship to be as SUPER as possible, so any upgrades we make is perfect! We just have to be vague about what we want to make when we ask for the money." He ended by lifting his sunglasses and sending swordsman a wink.

A large predatory grin spread its way over Zoro's lips. "Franky, you're brilliant!"

Franky stepped out in front of him, "No, no, Zoro-bro! I am **SUPER**!" And with that he struck his pose.

Zoro could only nod in agreement, the idea of booze – booze that wouldn't be in the cooks kitchen no less – made him way to happy to annoyed by Franky's eccentricities.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That concludes part 1<strong>


	5. What's this? What's this? Part 2

**What's this? What's this? Part 2**

**AN: And here we go with part 2. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Sanji looked out upon the extended crew as they started to eat. He'd just called out that lunch was ready a few minutes ago, and his beautiful Jenny-chwan had been so amazingly helpful and showed him how to use his new omni-tool to send the message across the ship via the intercom. He would have to give her an extra special treat once he got better supplies.<p>

As people sat down to eat at the 3 tables, Sanji stared angrily at the wall separating one of the tables from the other two. He highly considered kicking it down, after all meals tasted better when everyone could share it together. Still, hearing the women of the Normandy complimenting his skills sent butterflies straight to his stomach, as he twirled around to refill empty glasses and serve new portions. The men gave compliments too he supposed, but he honestly couldn't care less about that.

As lunch progressed Sanji found another thing about this place he wasn't too pleased with. Some people began to walk out, only for others to take their place shortly after. Seemed the Normandy worked in shifts. Made sense in a way he guessed, there weren't exactly enough spots at the tables for everyone to eat at once. Of course while he aided the women of the ship by pulling out their chairs like any gentleman should, he very much planned to change this particular habit of theirs as well. Maybe Franky could help him knock down the wall and get some more tables and chairs in here.

Sanji looked up and over towards the starboard side entrance to the kitchen as he heard heavy boots stomping towards them. He knew it wasn't the damn marimo, as he was seated at the table near the kitchen with the rest of the straw hat crew, and the ship's commanding officers Shepard and Miranda.

Around the bend stomped an angry looking beauty Sanji could only refer to as a tragically fallen angel. The sight of her nearly bare, overly tattooed torso made a few blood vessels in Sanji's nose burst from the increased blood pressure of his rapidly beating heart. As she got closer toward the kitchen, Sanji spun around himself and to her side, gently taking her arm, "Ah, allow me to take you to your seat Fallen Angel-chwan! I shall bring you your food immediately. A rare beauty like you shouldn't have to exert yourself with the work of mere mortals!"

A blue glow ignited over the woman's colorful arms at the touch, "What the fuck did you just call me, Jerkoff?" She demanded harshly.

The blonde was not deterred even the slightest as he fell to his knee in front her and kissed her hand, "My apologies Snowflake-chan, but I don't know your name I'm afraid. Ah, but if only I could be blessed with hearing the name of someone as uniquely gorgeous as yourself, I am sure my heart would soar among the stars like this very ship does."

The silence of the Normandy crew was deafening. It was no secret among them that Subject Zero was a crazy, hateful bitch, and a stone cold killer. Watching the cook shower her with compliments was like a mag-train wreck in slow motion, you knew something bad was going to happen, yet you couldn't look away.

The bald woman just stared at him, face contorted in half-frightened disbelief. She honestly didn't think someone this fucking weird could exist. It took her a few seconds to shake herself back into working order. Her anger came to the forefront immediately, "The name is JACK!" she shouted at him, "And knock it off with that bleeding heart bullshit! You sound like fucking retard!"

A snorted laugh came from the green haired guy at the closest table and Jack swirled her head to look at him, eyes glaring at him for daring to laugh at her, "Good fucking luck," He told her, "I've been trying get the moron to stop that shit since I meet him."

Before she managed a remark about being able to **make** him stop, the blonde switched his focus to the green haired guy as well, an angry sneer on his face, "The hell was that, marimo bastard?"

"You heard me curly brow!"

"You wanna go, is that it, huh?"

As the two men distracted each other, Jack decide to leave them to it and grab some grub and go back to her hole. However the moment she got to the pots and pans, blondie was at her side again, a gentle hand around her should, and one at her elbow. "No, no Jackie-chan! You just take a seat and I'll bring you something I've made with all my love!"

Jack finally snapped, "It's **JACK**, not Jackie!" she shouted, as the blue glow ignited over her arms before it latched on to the suit wearing cook by her side. "And get your hands off of me!" She lifted him a little into the air, before she threw him full force down the hall towards the main gun, where he collided harshly with the steel door, before sliding down to the ground. As he lay against it, the door opened, Sanji fell backwards inside, completely dazed.

The only sound in the room for a second was Jack's angry breathing, as everyone else was completely quiet, for various reasons. The Cerberus crew had finally seen Jack snap and attack a crew member, which didn't help their fear of her one bit. Shepard swallowed hard; scared the pirates would seek revenge for their fallen comrade. As for the straw hats, this was the first time they had ever seen biotics. Luffy, Chopper and Usopp were staring star-eyed at the woman, Nami, Robin, Franky and Brook looked on in various states of amusement.

The silence was broken by the swordsman however, who broke out in laughter, slapping his thigh to contain himself.

Jack stared at him and his friends; this was not reaction she had gotten before when attacking someone's friend. After a few seconds of considering asking what was so damn funny, Jack turned on her heel, grabbed a tray and filled it with as much food as she could carry, before quickly stomping out of the kitchen and to the elevator.

A minute or two later Sanji finally got himself dragged up from the floor and walked back down into the kitchen. As the Cerberus crew stared at him with bated breaths for his reaction, he sighed happily, a look of pure love and devotion in his eyes, "Ah, Jack-chwan is so cute when she's angry!"

The Normandy crew collectively fell out of their chairs at the proclamation, too shocked to stop themselves. This seemed to amuse the pirate captain greatly as he started slapping his hand on the table, laughing like a manic at all of them trying to collect themselves from the floor.

Getting back up on his feet, Shepard looked apologetically at the straw hats. "I'm very sorry for Jack's behavior, she's pretty anti-social. None the less she shouldn't have done that, and I'll have a talk with her, I promise."

The navigator just waved him off, "Nah, don't worry about it, it's fine. Sanji's a pretty sturdy guy, isn't that right Sanji-kun?"

"Of course, Nami-swan! I could never be angry at a sweet, shy little caterpillar like Jack-chwan! I'm sure all she needs is to be shown some love and appreciation before she shows us what a truly magnificent and gentle butterfly she really is!" The blond gushed with affection. "I shall do my best to bring her out of her cocoon with all my heart!"

Shepard, along with everyone else who had meet Jack just stared at him dumbfounded. While he certainly went all the way with his butterfly simile, it did not fit with anything they knew about the volatile mass murderer.

Nami just smiled up at Shepard and gave him a wink, "See what I mean?"

Shepard cleared his throat, "Well, alright then, as he took a seat." He found it hard to wrap his head around these pirates. Everything they did seemed to be done in the extreme. He let out a deep sigh and instead focused his mind on the talk he would have with Zaeed soon.

* * *

><p>For Kelly, lunch had been an interesting look into the pirate crew's internal workings. She was in no way close to give a full psyche profile on them, but it was a helpful start to making sense on them as a whole. But as interesting as they were as a group, she needed to get a baseline for them individually first.<p>

Looking around the mess hall, almost everybody had cleared out and gone to their work stations or whatever else people did on the ship. Only three people remained. The cook was in the kitchen together with Hawthorne, the latter teaching the blonde about how to work the dishwasher.

Deciding to leave the two to their work, she instead looked at the last person hanging around the mess hall. The pirate musician was sitting close to them, working the boney fingers of his hands across the table, as if playing a piano, looking quite demurely for a skeleton. Not that Kelly had seen many skeletons look demure in her life, or many skeletons at all really. He would be a great pick as the first pirate to give a psychological evaluation of she figured. It should prove interesting to see how he faced his own situation as an undead if nothing else.

Walking over towards him, she cleared her throat and gave him a disarming smile, "Hello, Brook was the name, am I right?"

The skeleton looked up at her, empty eye sockets fixing upon hers, and she got the feeling he was smiling at her. "Ah, good afternoon young lady. I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage."

Kelly chuckled, "The name is Kelly Chambers, I'm the ships yeoman."

"Well in that case, good afternoon Kelly-san. Is there anyways I can assist you?" The skeleton said eagerly, as he got to his feet.

She looked up at him, his impressive height putting even Garrus and Grunt to shame. "I was hoping we could have a little talk in private together. Are you up for that?"

"Why of course Kelly-san. I must say, having a pretty, young lady like yourself ask me out for a talk, it's enough to make an old man's hearth beat increase." He gave out a loud, shocked gasp, making the yeoman jump slightly. "Ah! But I don't even have a heart! Skull joke! YOHOHOHOHO!"

Letting the melodic laughter run over her ears, Kelly gave him a slight smile at the joke and made an observation. The man liked to poke fun at his own undead status. By the way he formed the rather poor joke of words plays; she was inclined to believe it was a coping mechanism. Being in his condition couldn't be easy on the mind after all. Then again, he could just have a terrible sense of humor. Either way, she led him to the starboard observation room, which was thankfully empty at the time.

Sitting down on one of the couches with him, she looked up at him and started her little impromptu psyche session. "So, how do you like the Normandy, Brook?"

"Ah, it is quite the experience I will say. In all my years as a pirate, I've never experienced anything quite like this. It is nice to be around so many people again though, even though I do miss my violin quite a fiercely."

The small admittance gave Kelly a lot to work with. She decide to start out slowly though. As a psychologist one had to tread carefully before getting into the heavy topics, otherwise people often clamped up. "You play the violin?" She started.

The skeleton nodded, "I prefer not to brag, but I can play most instruments. My former crew, the Rumbar pirates, was formed under the one rule that everybody must to love music. A pirate crew that could bring a smile to even a crying child's face." He spoke longingly about them, staring out into the abyss of space.

"Did you leave them because of your… condition?" Kelly asked tentatively.

"No, they died the same time I became nothing but bones, around 50 years ago."

Kelly gulped before she continued; death was usually a hard subject to talk about for people, "How did they die, if you don't mind me asking?"

Brook kept staring out into the cold creases of space, "We were in a fight. A lot of the crew died in the fight itself, but our enemy had coated their weapons in poison, and our doctor had been one of the casualties." He spoke slowly, with reverence. "We all knew we were going to die, well except myself, due to my devil fruit."

He opened his skull, and pulled out a large sea shell, shifting his gaze to look at it with hollow eye sockets. His voice sounded hollow when he spoke, like recalling a nightmare he'd rather forget, "We had another nakama, a whale name Laboon, we had left in the care of a friend before we fully entered the Grand Line. Laboon always loved listening to us play, so we decided to play him one last song, which I would deliver to him once I awoke from the dead. Slowly all my nakama died around me, and eventually I died as well. We were in the Florian Triangle at the time, a place of never ending fog, and on my way back to my body I got lost. When I finally found it, I was nothing but bones." He sounded so resigned and sad; Kelly felt a lump climb up into her throat. Then his voice turned awe filled, "But then, these 50 years later I meet the straw hats! They saved me from my lonely prison on the ship I'd sailed alone for so long. After a small adventure, Luffy allowed me to join his crew as his musician, and I swear to you, my heart grew sixteen seizes that day. OH! But I don't have a heart, SKULL JOKE! YOHOHOHOHO!"

A lot of things connect for Kelly in that moment. This man had spent 50 years in alone. That would explain why he seemed to keep hanging out in the mess hall, the need for human contact – even if it was just being in close proximity to them – must have been overbearing. It also explained the poor jokes, and why he missed his violin so much. Studies on solitary confinement showed very negative psychological effects on prisoners after only a few weeks, and could be hazardous after little over a month. This man has spent 50 years on his own, most likely among the bodies of his dead friends. He wanted to feel useful and needed after so long on his own. Based on the studies she'd read on the subject, he could also be prone to delusions, along with a myriad of other psychological conditions.

Conclusion made, she decided to help out the best she could. First off would be to get him a few instruments, so he could carry out his passion. Secondly would be to encourage people to be around him and talk to him even considering his frank fully disturbing condition. The last part might be a bit hard, after all, she'd seen how the crew looked at him, but it shouldn't be too bad, considering the size of the ship.

She watched him open his skull again, placing the shell back inside his cranium cavity, before closing it. Softly she asked: "How old are you Brook?"

Sticking to the cheerful demeanor he had gotten from his earlier joke, he jovially responded, "YOHOHO, I suppose it isn't rude for a woman to ask a man that question, now is it?" he asked rhetorically. Taking off his hat, and giving a small bow he spoke again, "I am a merely 88 years old, Kelly-san."

Kelly was glad he at least hadn't been too young when he died. Age was hard to determine when the person has no skin to show the age. Still, in this cheerful environment she decided it would be the best time to start helping him with his problems. "You said you played a song before you crew passed away. Would you sing it for me?"

Brook looked at her for a moment. "I would be happy to Kelly-san. Ah, but first I must ask," suddenly he looked very serious, how he did it Kelly wasn't sure, but he did, "May I see your panties?"

Kelly's eyes widened shortly in surprise, before she looked at him almost pityingly. Of course there had to be a lot of sexual frustration in a man who'd been alone for 50 years and had lost all his organs. It wasn't like could take care of it himself after all. With that thought in mind, Kelly gave him a sly smile, before she stood and raised her omni-tool to the door, locking it. She unbuttoned her pants and stepping out of them, spinning in place where she stood to give him a show from all angles.

Brook rocketed backwards and over the couch, hitting his head against the wall behind him. Slurring from the delirium the hit caused him, he spoke slowly but with reverence, "I think I've died and gone to heaven." Suddenly he was back on his feet however, "OH, but I'm already dead! SKULL JOKE! YOHOHOHO!"

Kelly giggled along with him, as she put her pants back on. She hoped it helped him out a little, and if nothing else it was good to see him so cheerful.

"Well I do believe I promised you a song Kelly-san. It's unfortunate I have no instruments, but I hope a cappella will be enough to repay your kindness." The skeleton seemed livelier than Kelly had ever seen him, and it made her feel quite proud of herself, truth be told.

She gave him a bright smile, "It's quite alright Brook, and I'll make sure you get some funds to buy a few instruments once we reach the Citadel tomorrow."

The skeleton somehow looked ecstatically at her, "You certainly know how to fill an old man with so much happiness it can be felt through his bones. But let us get on to the song; it's an old pirate tune that most everyone can sing along to. They call it 'Bink's Sake'!"

And with that, Brook sang. Kelly sat back, and listened to his voice as it gave life to the melody and lyrics. The song seemed to take a life on its own, filling her to the core with happiness. It was magical in a sense, and she honestly though the song might just become a favorite if he sung it for her again.

She could honestly say, she like this sad and lonely old man. But listening to him talk about his new crew and being around him, she had high hopes he would come out healthy from his experiences.

* * *

><p>Garrus was disturbed from his calibrations by the door opening behind him. There had only ever been one person to come and visit him in the forwards battery so far, so he spoke as he turned to greet his old friend. "Hey Sheparrrr-" The rest died on his mandibles as he saw who had stepped into his little sanctuary.<p>

There stood the pirate's own sniper, long nose,curly hair and all, looking very impressed at everything already. He finally shifted his view to the turian. "Oh, hey! You're Garrus right? Jacob said I should check this place out after I told him of my amazing skills with cannons back home!"

"Yeah, umm… You're Usopp, right?" He answered unsurely. He always hated meeting new people like this. It was always awkward and weird, and honestly he didn't do awkward well. In his opinion, that was more Tali's thing. Either way, small talk with new people to get to know them was not him, he was much better at bonding when there was a gunfight to distract him. Don't have to think of a topic when you're fighting for your life.

Luckily for Garrus the sniper had no such problems. Heading straight down the walkway on the left side of the forward battery he studied it intensely. "So what is this thing?" He asked.

Garrus mood brightened. Now there was a topic he could go on for hours about. Guns! "That's a Mass Accelerator Cannon. Pretty hefty stuff, but not big enough for us to successfully take on the collectors, so Shepard has set us up for dry dock once we hit the citadel to upgrade it. Besides this little thing we also have a couple of Javelin disrupter torpedoes on the outer hull. Again, hefty stuff but not hefty enough."

Usopp gulped and looked up at him, a little paler than before, "W-what are we going up against then if big guns like this isn't enough?"

Garrus leaned back against his work table, "Honestly, I have no idea. I just know the old Normandy didn't last more than a few minutes against a collector vessel. It tore it to shreds like it was made from tissue paper."

Usopp's eyes were as large as teacups and he sputtered and stuttered in panic as he spoke, "B-b-b-b-but t-the new upgrades will help out right? RIGHT!?"

Shocked at how fast the boy turned into a scared mess, the turian decided that being frank and honest with the boy might not have been his best idea. Damn it, why did he have to suck at meeting people in a peaceful environment. Well he could fix this – hopefully, "Uh, yeah, defiantly," he drawled out. He pointed to the forward battery before going on, "We'll be getting a Thanix Magnetic-Hydrodynamic cannon set in place of the M.A.C. there. Basically we'll be take one of the enemies own weapons and pointing it at them. Trust me, the now gun we're getting is top of the line, and with some calibrations we'll be more than strong enough to tear through those collector bastards."

The long nosed boy ran a hand across his forehead and released a breath of air. "Phew! You had me going there for a second man. But yes you're right! With a big new gun and the amazing aiming skills of the great CAPTAIN USOPP, we will be unstoppable!"

Garrus gave a chuckle, "Sorry to burst your bubble my friend, but the computer handles the aiming, hence the calibrations. Balancing out the targeting matrix after you've trimmed out the energy draw can be quite the hassle though. And wait, I thought that rubber boy, Luffy, was your captain…"

Usopp stepped closer to the turian patting him on the shoulder and looking at him as if he pitied him, "Ah, it is alright. I can understand how you can't see through the intricate workings of The Straw Hat Pirates yet. You see the great Captain Usopp is a generous man, and he's simply letting Luffy have a go at being captain for now. Once he realizes how hard it is, I'll naturally step up and take over for him."

Garrus looked a little unconvinced. "Are you sure?" He asked skeptically. He had been a c-sec officer for years and he knew how to spot a liar, but the boy besides him didn't show any signs of lying. Of course that could either mean he either wasn't lying, was a great liar or was so convinced that his lie was true that he didn't know he was lying. Garrus honestly wasn't sure, and given how weird the trip out with the Luffy and Zoro had been, it could honestly be true. The Straw Hat boy wasn't exactly leader material from what Garrus had seen so far.

"Absolutely!" the long nosed boy proclaimed, looking confident enough that Garrus decided to take his word for it.

"So what about that green haired guy? What is he?"

"You mean Zoro? Hmm, do you best explain it… Let's see, umm…" The sniper drawled, thumb under his chin, and his index finger bending the tip of his long nose upwards a bit. Eventually he came to a conclusion and smacked his fist into his other hands palm while exclaiming: "AH! I know! Zoro is a demon."

The turian looked at him with the same disbelief his voice portrayed, "A demon?"

"Or a monster at least. Well, all three of them really are – Luffy, Sanji and Zoro I mean. But Zoro is the scariest of them. Did you know he wanted to cut my arm off once to get out of some hand cuffs!? And this other time he got cut almost cut in half! He even sewed it back together himself the first time! Then the day after he got into a fight and it reopened and he still beat the guy fought!" the sniper rambled on in his excitement, before it changed from explaining how the swordsman was a demon into a retelling of an adventure Garrus was pretty sure had to be made up, "But then the evil pirate Arlong tried to attack him, but luckily the great CAPTAIN USOPP came to his rescue! With my amazing sniper skills and my 8000 men behind me, we fought the evil fishman in a grandiose battle, and after beating him completely, Zoro looked up upon me and swore upon his demon pride that he'd follow me to the edge of hell itself!"

"Riiight," Garrus drawled out unconvinced, "And where are the rest of your 8000 men then?"

Usopp looked like a Varren caught in a MAKO's headlights, looking to and fro for something to bail him out of this situation. "They – ummm – THEY WOULDN'T FIT! Yeah, yeah, that's the thing! They wouldn't fit on this ship, 8000 people take up a lot of space after all! Hehehe…" he chuckled nervously.

Garrus crossed his arms over his armored chest and smirked, facial scar stretching a little uncomfortably. "Sure, they don't…" He drawled, unconvinced but very amused. If nothing else this kid was fun – and Garrus realized – had completely removed the awkwardness he usually felt around new people. Huh, well would you look at that. Guess he should cut him a bit of a break then, "So, you are interested in guns and cannons in general, or?"

Usopp latched on the change in topic like it was a lifeline, "YES! I was wondering, how does the new cannon work, mechanically I mean."

Garrus grinned, sharp rows of teeth showing behind his mandibles, "Well you see it works like this, the ships mass effect core powers an electromagnetic field that holds a…"

And like that, Garrus continued to give his impromptu lesson in how weaponry at the tail end of the 22nd century worked, to the much younger sniper.

* * *

><p>After a short talk with Kelly after lunch, Shepard found himself in the elevator on his way down for his talk with Zaeed.<p>

He honestly wasn't looking forward to this. He hated being on unfriendly grounds with anyone in his command, but Zaeed had to understand that the kind of behavior he operated with back on Zorya, was unacceptable. So when the elevator door opened, Shepard took a right and entered the security room, the former merc had claimed as his chambers.

Before he could even start talking, Zaeed took the word himself. "Before you start Shepard, I just wanted to tell you that killing Vido solves a lot of problems, and not just my own. So in short, I appreciate that you let me go after him. Whatever you need in return, you just need to ask."

The old mercenary sounded so damn humble and thankful, Shepard found it hard to stay angry. After all they did manage to save everyone, so in broad terms, the mission was extraordinarily successful. Shepard released a deep sigh before he spoke, "As long as you don't try to open any more gates like that without asking first. Oh, and if anyone asks, I gave you a stern reprimand or something like that."

"Heh," Zaeed grunted a laugh, "You got it Shepard. Need anything else?"

"Yeah, I was wondering… How did those two handle themselves in combat? We saw some stuff on the way to catch up to you, which honestly seemed impossible."

Zaeed smirked in amusement, old scars making it look a little odd. "Oh-ho, they are out of this world alright. I've been an old war dog for longer than you've been alive, and I can tell you this much. I've never seen anything goddamn like it. It's… It can't be explained properly, it's something you have to see for yourself."

Shepard looked down to the floor, frowning in thought. Absentmindedly he thanked Zaeed, before leaving the room and heading back to the elevator to go to his own quarters. Once he entered he sunk bonelessly down into his desk chair.

He had honestly been planning to keep the two pirates back on the Normandy; based on that one short fight he'd seen them in at the beginning of the Zorya mission. They had seemed so damn impulsive and reckless that he honestly thought they were, if not completely, then atleast borderline suicidal, but listening to Zaeed made him think twice about it.

Perhaps he could bring them along again on a mission that didn't seem too dangerous. One where they wouldn't have to split up and he could get a feel for both their fighting style and their general behavior in combat… Yes that sounded like an excellent plan!

Getting back up from the chair at his desk, Shepard headed back towards the elevator. Now he had to find a way to get nine pirates to somehow split the last 3 bunks and the two couches in the starboard observation room.

Oh joy, of joys.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Damn this took a while to do. I hope you enjoyed it. Next time, we requiting Kasumi, and have fun and games on the Citadel while the Normandy is restocked. Then we get back to action stuff. <strong>


	6. Budgeting

**Budgeting**

**AN: A couple of anonymous guests pointed out a few places I made some mistakes, so went back and did a little editing to fix it up. More specifically I went back to chapter 2 and added a few more lines of dialogue to make it more believable that Luffy would agree to 'help out'. **

**Secondly I change a bit of the conversation between Usopp and Garrus, as it was pointed out to me that Usopp hasn't done the whole "I'm the real captain" thing since Water 7. He still does his whole 'Captain Usopp' thing, but he stopped doing the other stuff. Which is honestly a nice little detail, which I didn't personally take, noticed of. The conclusions to the two instances are largely the same, because well, the first one is kinda needed to make the whole story work, and the second is needed for humor purposes. Or at least I hope it'll be – it certainly is in my head.**

**On a different note, it was hard picking out which scenes I wanted in this chapter. I didn't want it to become long enough that I had to split it into two again, so I had to stick to key characters for this. The last two chapters after all showed that it might be a bit over the top to showcase everybody's day to day experiences, especially since a lot of it would just be fluff. Then again if you people want that, it's not something I mind writing either, so I would actually like a comment on that. Do you really want to know what all of them get up to even if it's entirely pointless? I mean there will be some fluff that's planned either way that might seem pointless, but will play into either the main plot or a sub plot later on so it's not like you'll miss out on cuteness or anything like that. Another option I've been thinking about involves a spin off with said moments, but yeah. Drop me a note on if you have opinions about this, if not I'll just go with business as usual.**

* * *

><p>Figuring out where the pirates would sleep had honestly not been as grueling as Shepard had thought it would be. At least if you ignore Nami trying to convince, blackmail and charm him – in that order – into giving her and Robin his cabin. None the less he had stood firm. After all he needed his office, so eventually the two women had settled on the couches in the starboard observation room, while the guys of the pirate crew had settled into a corner of the cargo hold. Something about liking the large open space.<p>

Dividing the beds hadn't been to hard either, and had made for a very cute image early this morning when he had gone down to check on them. Luffy curled up against the side of Zoro, with Chopper resting on top of said swordsman, while everyone else slept away on their cots. It had left him in a good mood the rest of the morning, until they hit the citadel shortly before noon.

Which brought him to the now.

The Normandy would need a good four hours in dry docks to install the gun, armor and scanner, so a short amount of shore leave was in order. They were after all massively understocked with the pirates' arrival. They needed more beds and storage units, which Zoro and Franky had thankfully volunteered to get. There was the provisions problem he had nearly lost his head over, which Sanji and Mordin would take care off, since someone had to teach the blonde about dextro based food. And of course he couldn't forget the clothing problem Nami adamantly – quite loudly he might add – pointed out, was unacceptable. Apparently Cerberus fatigues were **NOT** her thing, and she didn't care what Miranda said. So Shepard had told Miranda to just give her access to the ships damn expense account, because the few credits saved on a little clothing wasn't worth all the damn screaming, or the cooks threats. If the navigator looked annoyingly smug in her victory, Shepard chose to ignore it.

Still, he could take pleasure in the fact that with everybody was out taking care of the shopping for him, meant he could focus on important matters. Like picking up this thief Kasumi Goto and visiting Anderson and the Counsil.

Looking out over the people whom had elected to use the four hours on the Citadel, the Commander spoke, "Alright then people, you know when to return, you are all dismissed."

Honestly, after the last 24 hours, even the Council's bickering seemed like an improvement.

* * *

><p>Being dragged of too some 'future' hardware store by Franky was a pain in the ass, Zoro decided. He had been loud, over exited and generally annoying in the store. The little detour before they visited some booze shop had been worth it though; as he got some supplies so both he and Brook could do some sword maintenance while they were here.<p>

Then of course there had been the booze store itself. He couldn't remember what the place was called, but it didn't matter much, he could remember how to get there if they ever came back. The place was heaven though. So many new kinds of alcohol he had never heard off before from all kinds of different planets. It hadn't even crossed his mind that new planets meant new types of booze, so maybe all this future nonsense wasn't so bad after all.

When they arrived at the Normandy roughly two hours before departure time, their deliveries were already being loaded onto the ship in a few containers, which meant all the swordsman had to do was to play muscle for Franky and carry up material and bottles while the shipwright built the actual bar.

However the entire thing hit a snag once they entered the port side observation room, only to find a woman pushing a bed up against a book case. Zoro frowned slightly at her before gaining her attention, "Oi! Who the hell are you?"

The woman turned and gave them a mischievous smile, "Oh, hello. You two a part of the crew?"

"OW! That's right little miss! I'm Franky, the super cyborg, and this is Zoro! I didn't think anyone slept in here."

"Ah, right. Where are my manners? Kasumi Goto, but please, just Kasumi is fine. And well, I was told I could just setup my stuff anywhere I found room and well, here we are."

Franky's large arm did an over exaggerated swing as he snap his fingers in slight disappointment, "Ah damn. Had been planning to set up the bar in here," He turned to Zoro before he continued, "Maybe we can set up in the starboard side then. We would only need to get rid of one of the couches."

The swordsman gave a shrug, but before he could respond properly, the young woman interrupted with a smile, "I don't really mind if you set it up in here. I usually sleep stowed away in cargo bays, so it'll be nice to have some company."

The large man set down his box before he walked over to the smaller woman and gave her a thump in the back that caused her to almost fall over, "OW! What a SUPER spirit you have Kasumi-sis! Well then let's get to work!"

She giggled, albeit slightly uncomfortable, and rubbed her back a little, "So any chance I can talk you two nice strong men into helping me move the rest of my stuff up while you work?"

Zoro placed his own crate down next to cyborg before he stretched and replied around a yawn, "Yeah, sure… Just come on down and point it out."

Kasumi smiled widely, "Excellent!" before she followed the green haired man to the elevator.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the taxi with Garrus and Miranda, on their way back from his meeting with Anderson and the council, Shepard would have to admit he had hoped it would go better. Sure he had gotten his Specter status restored – on the condition he kept his operations mainly in the Terminus systems – but they really had swept the entire Reaper threat under the rug. He had hoped it was just a play from the Illusive Man to win him over, but he had been truthful.<p>

The implications to that weren't good. When the Reapers finally did show up, they wouldn't be even close to ready. After all it had taken galactic cooperation – albeit it was very last minute – to take down just one of them. Sure it seemed from what Anderson said that Earth was preparing, but that wouldn't be nearly enough. On the other hand that would be tomorrow's problem, after all they had no idea when the Reapers would actually come and he had the Collectors to worry about. Maybe once they defeated them, he could try and appeal to the Council again, it would be worth a shot if it gave them a better chance of survival after all…

Garrus brought Shepard out of his thoughts but clearing his throat, "So I have something I wanted to bring up about these Straw hat Pirates."

Both Shepard and Miranda turned towards the turian, giving him their full attention.

"You see, I was talking to their sniper, Usopp, and he made an off-hand commented about something that got me thinking. How can we be sure they weren't lying? About whom their leader is. That Luffy kid doesn't exactly scream leader material." The turian continued.

Miranda picked up from there, "You mean if they gave us a decoy? Hmm, it makes sense. Protect the real leader and let someone expendable take the risk in a hostile environment."

Shepard let the thought run through his head. Garrus did have a point. Luffy didn't exactly seem very bright from what Shepard had seen of him. He was good kid, very friendly and so on, but he hadn't seen him really take anything serious so far. "Okay, who would you suspect the real captain is then?" Shepard asked the two behind him. "According to what Kelly told me about Brook, it's no him. He was the most recent addition to the crew."

The turian started out the deduction. "Well I would say that Sanji guy is out based on what I've seen so far. I have a hard time picturing him upholding discipline on a ship with women onboard. Usopp and Chopper seem a lot like Luffy, too easy to distract, you know?" At his companions' nods of agreement, he kept going, "And from what I heard from others on the ship, that Franky guy seems way too eccentric."

"Robin might be able to," Shepard picked up, "Sure she seem very lenient with the crew, but from what little Kelly could tell me, she seems to hate not knowing about things around her. So if not captain she's at least got to be pretty high up in their ranks… Also explains why they have an 'archeologist'."

Miranda moved the hand her head had been resting while she thought, and straightened in her seat. "I would say our most like candidates lie in the navigator and the swordsman. Both of them were in my office today actually. Question is just who it is… In Nami's favor she tried to take care of the crews' immediate clothing needs, though what was wrong with the clothes we offered I don't know."

"Well they were Cerberus uniforms." Shepard interrupted her.

"And what is wrong with that, this is a Cerberus ship after all. Even you walk around in a Cerberus command uniform."

Shepard nodded, "Point. But they are pirates. I looked up some articles last night about pirates from our universe, and the reason they wore clothes to stand out was because sailors back then weren't treated well and the pirates wanted to show their freedom. If their world is like that, that could be the reason."

"Shepard they live in a universe where fruit gives them magical powers. You have no way of knowing if that's actually the case or not. I mean it could just as easily be…"

Garrus broke up the argument by clearing his throat loudly, "If we could get back on track here! But yeah, Nami did seem to keep people pretty well in line, what with all the hits to the head she threw around yesterday. Still, according to Usopp – once you got past the lies and stories – Zoro was apparently the 'scariest' on the crew."

Miranda, looking slightly annoyed at have been cut off added her own input, "Being the captain could explain why Franky dragged him in with him when he was asked from money to make an upgrade on the ship. He didn't really say anything, but there was this creepy smirking grin on his face. Like he was planning something. Looked down right sinister."

"Don't forget he tried to kill The Illusive Man" Garrus added.

Shepard nodded, "Not to mention he was just introduced as just 'the swordsman'," The other two nodded, "Alright, we'll keep an eye on them, see if they slip up. With any luck they might even tell us themselves after we build up some trust between us."

Garrus looked at Shepard before asking, "You really think they can be trusted?"

This time he shrugged, "I don't know about that yet, but I don't think they'll attack us if that's what you mean. They have nothing to really gain from a mutiny. None of them had 'astronaut' as their title after all."

"Hmm, true." The turian agreed.

* * *

><p>Like all space ships, the Normandy tried to stay as light as possible. The reason for this was fuel efficiency. The most expensive part of space travel after all, was leaving a planet's atmosphere and gravitational pull. That was why the ship only carried four containers at a time, two for food supplies and two for general supplies, like extra bunk beds and spare shield generators. Which was why when Shepard came back to see a grand total of 13 containers, he might have overreacted just a little.<p>

"HOW MUCH FOOD DID YOU BUY!?" Shepard roared at the blonde, right down into is face.

Sanji, in the middle of taking a drag of his cigarette, looked highly unimpressed. Blowing the smoke right into Shepard's face, the cook replied icily, "You breath smells like shit, get out my face."

Shepard coughed loudly a couple of times before taking a large calming breath. Then he asked again through grit teeth, "How much food did you buy?"

"Enough." Came the bored reply, before Sanji moved to go up the ramp to the cargo hold.

"Oh no you don't!" Shepard exclaimed, as he followed the cooked up, "There is a reason why we don't over stock! The extra weight makes it too expensive to leave a planet!"

Sanji's retort was dry as a desert, "Then how about you lose some weight."

Shepard's jaw fell open for a second, before he grabbed the cook by the arm and spun him around, "Now you listen to me! I'm perfectly okay with putting in extra for better rations, but the added cost of fuel is not worth over stocking the kitchen, so you are going to march back out there and cancel the extra orders. Did I make myself clear!?"

The cook's visible eye narrowed into a slit. "Could you repeat that last bit, please…" The cook grounded out between clenched teeth.

"I said **that's an order**!"

"Thought so…" Sanji said, before his foot hooked around Shepard's. With a quick tug, the commander was horizontal in the air, before crashing harshly down onto his back. Before Shepard could try to roll over and get some air back into his lungs, the cook's foot stomped down onto his chest and kept him in place. Sanji leaned forwards in over his knee and exhaled another billow of smoke, "Now you listen to me Commander-shit-for-brains! I know exactly how much Luffy and the rest of my crew eats, so if I say we need eight containers instead of two, then we are getting eight! If you've got a problem with that, then you can starve for all I care, GOT IT!?"

Shepard could only nod his head as at the angry cook.

Once satisfied his message had gotten through, Sanji walked back over to start checking everything he ordered had been delivered. On his way he muttered angrily under his breath, "Damn moron, arguing with his chef. Doesn't he know that's god damn suicide…"

Shepard crawled onto his feet again, and slowly headed to the elevator. He'd have to talk to Miranda about their new fuel expenses.

* * *

><p>Miranda and Garrus had gone straight onboard the moment Shepard went to confront the cook. As the elevator had come to a stop on the crew deck, she and Garrus had split up to go their separate ways around the elevator to their respective work stations. Hearing the loud boisterous laughter from at least three people however made her halt.<p>

Turning towards the starboard observation room, she stuck her head in and surveyed the room. On the left side of the room a desk, a bed and couple of shelves were placed, besides an array of paintings, sculptures and books. By the evidence, this would have to be where their new resident thief had chosen to live.

On the right hand side of the room sat Zoro with Kasumi besides him in front of the bar, with Franky's large frame standing by the side of it. All of them were enjoying a large drink of something Miranda couldn't see. Well at least the ship's bar was being put to good use.

Turning around she managed all of two steps before the entire thing processed in her head. The Normandy didn't have a bar. Franky and Zoro had asked for money to upgrade the Normandy. The Normandy now had a bar.

She felt her hands curl into fists and her anger rising as she once again spun in place and marched fully into the room, right in behind the person she suspected to be the captain, and screamed: "**YOU BUILT A BAR!**"

Zoro, in the middle of raising his glass to gulp down a drink, shot up in surprise, spilling it all down his shirt. Angered at the waste of the precious alcohol, he whirled around, and roared right back at Miranda, "THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!"

Miranda was furious, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?** WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?** YOU LIED TO ME! YOU SAID YOU WERE MAKING AN UPGRADE!"

That was when the shipwright decided to be helpful. Stepping out from behind the bar and to livid woman's side, he loudly announced, "OW! We did Miranda-sis, we made this SUPER bar!" To further help her realize just how super it actually was, he even struck his pose!

She could feel her fingers twitching to strangle someone. The hell did it matter how super a bar was, **when it was not supposed to be there in the first place**! "HOW MUCH! HOW MUCH DID THIS COST US!"

Franky gave her a winning grin, "Don't worry sis, we got it SUPER cheap! It only cost 50 thousand credits! We got a SUPER deal!"

"THAT IS NOT CHEAP YOU MORON!" She was gapping at him, she knew that.

Franky's brows pulled together slightly, "You sure? You wouldn't be able to get close to the amount of alcohol and cola we did for that amount of beri back home, not to mention the materials to build with…"

Miranda's eyebrows were starting to twitch, "IT'S CALLED AN EXCHANGE RATE! Not all money is worth the same!"

The gruff voice of the swordsman broke in suddenly, "Oh stop being so damn stingy, and untwist your fucking panties!" He reached around the bar top and grabbed a glass, before filling it with a glass of the purple booze he had been drinking. He handed it to her saying: "Here have a drink instead and just relax."

Miranda was about ready to commit murder. That was also the moment Shepard and Nami stepped in. Nami was the first to comment, "Oh hey, you finished the bar already?" Before she grabbed the glass Zoro had held out for Miranda and emptied it in a single swing.

"Yeah Nami-sis, you and Robin-sis done with your shopping trip?"

The navigator nodded, "Uh-huh, feels great to go all out once in a while without having to worry about a budget."

Kasumi, noticing how Miranda's eyebrow had started twitching even more violently, decided to have a little fun, "So how much did you end up spending?"

Nami turned her head towards her, busy refilling her glass, and raised an eyebrow, "Huh? Oh, not much. Just about 150 thousand credits." She replied with a slight shrug.

Both Miranda and Shepard exploded, "**YOU SPENT HOW MUCH!?**"

* * *

><p>Shepard and Miranda grudgingly decided to allow the bar to stay. None of the pirates seemed to care what either of their arguments were, and Shepard had no intention on trying to give them an order so soon after his 'talk' with the cook. So to save face in their command, they decided to be the gracious leaders that they were.<p>

The bar area was also where Shepard found himself after dinner was over, however it wasn't to have a drink – even though that might be needed to considering the last couple of days – it was to talk to Kasumi.

"So you mentioned a mission The Illusive Man promised I would help with? What kind of mission are we talking about?"

"Oh nothing much, just a little heist during a private party. The two of us should be able to have it done in no time," the thief replied lightly.

Shepard looked thoughtful. "Just the two of us? You sure we can't bring at least one more person with us, in case things fall through?"

The thief looked thoughtfully towards the ceiling, finger tapping on her chin, "Weeeell, I suppose you could do with some extra arm candy. Who did you have in mind?"

A smile spread over the commander's lips, "Well you've been informed about the pirates correct?" At her nodded he went on, "I want to bring one of them along, just to get a feel for what they can do. Since you mention arm candy, I'm guessing we're there under cover, so perhaps Nami?"

"The red head?" came the question and as Shepard nodded, Kasumi smiled excitedly, "Uuuh, good choice! Everybody loves a red head. Oh, I'll have to talk to her about clothes then, I'm sure she bought enough that we can find something acceptable among that little wardrobe of hers."

Shepard chuckled weakly at the reminder, another thing he had graciously decided to allow, mainly because he didn't want to get hit by her again. "Right, well I should go." And with that, he turned to leave.

Before her exited Kasumi spoke up one last time, "You know, between the honking men, the bar and the delicious food, I think I might just enjoy this little suicide trip you're whisking me away on." She finished with a little wink at him.

Shepard's chuckle this time was genuine and he shook his head as he left the room.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And another chapter is done. Next up is another mission. And if you have any opinions regarding my questions at the top, please tell me.<strong>


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